BAHH! TIFF!! Eyeliner, taxi, vodka – let’s go! We’ve passed the halfway mark and feel finished, but forge ahead in our pursuit of ludicrous star stalking, party hopping, film festival hoopla. Have we seen a celebrity’s underwear? Yes. Did we manage the impossible and have drinks with an Oscar winning actor without knowing it? Um, yeah….yeah we did. Are the endless late nights killing us? Absolutely.

From a dimly lit lounge on the south side of Chinatown where Bardem and Brolin drink up to an Ave and Dav hot spot where people pay to see Hollywood strip – here’s the down-low on our TIFF shit-show thus far:

The night we drove a golf cart in to guzzle vodka in a parking lot and piss in a porto toilet.

The embarrassing Parkdale incident where we had dirty martinis with Geoffrey Rush and didn’t know it.

Skipping down the yellow brick road to squish into the Bell Lightbox with the Tin Man and Cowardly Lion.

The secret den south of Chinatown where Javier Bardem, Marion Cotttilard and Harvey Weinstein get lubricated.

Posing with mounties, smiling at Steve Nash and slurping oysters with Raptors at the vitaminwater house party.

Everyday we rate the red carpet fashion like a judge on Project Runway. Find out who is winning and who makes us blind with fashion anger.

Ogling James Franco and getting a peep show from Martin Sheen at Artists for Peace and Justice.

Talking dildos with actor Emily Hampshire and hanging with the Cronenbergs at Toro’s After Dark.

The Hazelton Takeover where Jason Reitman, Juliette Lewis, Ron MacLean, David Suzuki and the Dog Whisperer come out to celebrate George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight.

Peaches Geldof pulls the trigger and we get down with Down with Webster at the Ubisoft launch at Bloor and Lansdowne.

From the rooftops in Yorkville to dark alleys in the west end, we will continue to bring you the best, the weirdest, and unsuspecting stories from TIFF.

Dun.dun.dun – to be continued….