Greetings from California! I’m not supposed to be here anymore. I’m supposed to be at home in Vancouver. But yesterday, after a glorious—albeit sometimes maddening, but more on that to come—10 day jaunt in San Francisco and Sonoma County with my family, we missed our flight home. Well, to be exact, we were literally three minutes too late to check into our flight, because there was traffic on the highway, and we took a wrong turn trying to find the rental car drop off, and we literally walked around all day killing time just so that we could be conveniently LATE FOR OUR FLIGHT. So we stood at the airport, trying to find an alternative way out of America, as our flight calmly took off without us. Great. Just great. Anyways.

I love my family—my parents, my two brothers, and one brother’s girlfriend—but let’s be honest here: 10 days straight with anyone is bound to get hairy. And when you share the same blood, well, shit can start to fly. So, dear friends, as I lie here in a hotel bedroom that I’m not supposed to be in, the sun of a city I was supposed to leave yesterday creeping through the blinds, I give you my top tips on surviving—and heck, actually enjoying—your family vacation. Serenity now!

Seriously: Serenity now. Okay, so you’re going on a family trip. The first thing to remember is to be calm. Like, you’re going to want to punch your brother and yell at your sister and roll your eyes at your dad. BUT JUST BREATHE. For example: We arrived in San Francisco around midnight, got to the house we’d rented, and realized we didn’t have the code to open the lock box, which was attached to the front door and had the front door key in it. We sat around for almost an hour trying to get ahold of the owners, to no avail. To a hotel we went. SERENITY NOW. Oh and did I mention the part where we missed our flight home? HAHAHAHAHA. (When we got to the hotel where I am currently writing this from, the concierge told us that instead of two rooms with two beds each—there are six of us—we only had two rooms with one bed each. This caused my mother to erupt into a fit of laughter so overpowering and extensive that I think she cried a bit. But isn’t that better than her crying for reals? And eventually the nice hotel lady took pity on us and gave us bigger rooms.)

Don’t be afraid to take space. If you feel yourself bubbling over with anger at something your brother said or the way your mom looked at you just then, take a lil’ time out. Walk a few paces behind the pack, taking deep breaths and allowing yourself some room. Opt for a quiet reading session on the deck instead of family movie time. Offer to go get the pasta sauce down the street while everyone else preps the veggies. Whatever you need to chill out, do it. Taking a bit of you time during a vacation where you’re literally surrounded by people 24/7 is allowed. Heck, you might even say it’s healthy.

Be thankful. Hey! Hey you! You’re getting a free trip to a cool place! I hope you’re keeping that in mind when you’re tempted to give your mom attitude for her annoying comment about the fact that she heard the University of Victoria was hiring a sports reporter for their campus newspaper! OH HO HO YES WHAT A JOB THAT WOULD BE, MOM. I’m not saying push everything under the rug, but…

Pick your battles. You are spending a lot of time with these people (YOUR RELATIVES). It’s really important to know when to fight and when to let it go. if you raised a stink over everything that bugged you, the trip would be not only enraging, but exhausting. Is there an activity that you mentioned months ago as the one thing you REALLY wanted to do on the trip? Yes, okay, hold onto that. If they know how much it means to you they will try hard to make it work, because THEY LOVE YOU. Is it just some shawarma place that you passed and liked the smell of, but you’re the only one who wants shawarma at 10am? Perhaps you can let that go. You feel me? It’s about compromise. Travelling with others always is.

You are going to learn things. About your family. As a fellow SDTCer said wisely, you don’t know someone(‘s lowest low) until you’ve travelled with them. And it’s true! Even if you think you’ve got your family down pat, there are still things you don’t know: Anxieties that only come out when you’re travelling, irrational fears that you didn’t know were there, annoying habits that you forgot about because you haven’t lived with your parents since you were 18…these types of things will float to the surface as the days go on. Just be aware. And remember that this trip will not last forever. On that note…

Don’t let the small stuff get to you. These people probably know you really well. I mean, you grew up with them. That means they’re probably going to be really comfortable saying things around you—things you don’t always want to hear. I’m talking about mentioning how tired you look that morning without thinking it will hurt your feelings, telling you that you look unhappy when really that’s just your face, and pointing out that you finished off all of the hummus. Like, okay, yes, this is the most annoying fucking thing, but really they don’t mean any harm by it! And isn’t it cool that they’re so comfortable around you they can say anything! Isn’t it just! (Ugh, no, it’s not, but what can we do? Ignore it. That’s what we can do. Pretend it wasn’t said. Move on. Make a backhanded comment on how ugly your brother’s shoes are. (JUST KIDDING! Don’t do that.))

Take advantage. This is quality time with your fam! Don’t let it go to waste! The same as how travelling with someone can reveal a lot of perhaps less-than-admirable qualities in a person, it can also unleash a certain freedom that only comes from being in a new place. And guess what? Your parents grow and change and mature just like you! Catch them on vacation, while their guard is down. You will find out amazing things about the people you love, and it will make you love them even more.

Always look on the bright side of life (doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo). So here’s the thing. We got locked out of our house on the first night, and ended up at a motel in Daly City (not exactly the best part of San Francisco). The next morning we had the motel’s “continental breakfast” (cereal and mini muffins) while sitting outside in the parking lot. But it was hilarious, and we all made a joke of it. And now we have this silly memory of starting our trip in Daly City, staring out at the famous Cow Palace concert venue, eating Raisin Bran and drinking mediocre coffee. Lulz! And after we missed our flight home, we ended up at this Chinese food restaurant for a late dinner—and it was actually one of the best meals of the trip. Which is high praise, considering we come from a place consistently touted for its Asian food! Bottom line: Things are going to go wrong, so it’s up to you to find the good stuff within. It’s always there.

At the end of the day, it’s not just about surviving your family trip—it’s about actually enjoying it. You may criticize each other, you may know way too much about each other, and you may be annoyed with each other, but I know deep down in there you love each other! And family time can be fun. Really. And despite all the bullshit, when you look back on your trip, you’ll only remember the good stuff—or what you turned into good stuff. As my dad and I joked last night, browsing 7-11 for post-dinner treats, we’ll always have California.