To Eharmony or Not to Eharmony

by Truly Toronto

Hello to all the SDTC readers out there! I’m here to share with you my (hopefully) successful experience trying Eharmony. About me: I love Toronto, I work in television, I’m 32 and single. I have a very active life but just haven’t been able to find that special someone to share it with. So despite my anti-online-dating sentiments, I’m giving Eharmony a try.

A friend pushed me to try it by throwing down the money for a one-month subscription and telling me that she wasn’t taking no for an answer. I agreed to do it and blog about it so she and others could see what the experience was like. And what an experience it has been.

A little catch up – in that first month I met a great guy, we’ll call him “Arizona”. We started dating a mere couple of weeks into the Eharmony process. I really liked him, saw potential, introduced him to some friends and was picturing us having a real relationship – my first in a few years. But, as they say, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Our budding relationship petered off almost as quickly as it ramped up and I’d like to say it was because he wasn’t over his ex-wife but in truth it probably comes down to the fact that he just wasn’t that into me. So be it. It was too early to be heart-broken but these things are disappointing nonetheless.

I swore off going back to Eharmony, but then their clever marketers offered me 50% off a 3-month subscription and pulled me back in. I had missed the blog to be honest, and after another couple of offline dating failures, I figured there wasn’t much to lose. Which brings me to today.

What you need to know about Eharmony to follow along with me in this journey is a rundown of the Eharmony terms, what makes it different, and what are the steps of “Guided Communication.” Keep in mind you can choose to skip all of these and “Fast Track” any time you want. But the site recommends you follow these steps:

1. New Matches – What makes Eharmony unique is the fact that you can’t search for people, the site matches you based on the extensive sign up questionnaire. Matches are sent every day in varying numbers, usually at least 7-10 per day.

2. Icebreakers – A bit like poking on facebook, you can only send one to each match. You select a one liner from a list like, “Love your Smile!” or, “Let’s Chat!” A completely optional step.

3. Send 1st Questions – Either person can initiate this first step – I always wait for them to start – he sends 5 multiple-choice questions from a pre-determined list where the last option is a 200 character limit to write in my own answer if I don’t like the multiple choice answers. Then I send 5 questions back.

4. Send Must Haves/Can’t Stands (MH/CS) – If he initiated communication, then it’s up to me to send my MH/CS next – a list of 10 traits I “must have” and “can’t stand” in a partner. I select from a long list of traits – anything from family priorities to chemistry – this is tough to initially select and send out right away but I’ve grown to like this step. For example – I “Must Have Independence, someone who allows me to remain my own person” and I “Can’t Stand Pessimism – someone who always sees the glass as half empty”. If he likes mine, he sends his back to me.

5. Send 2nd Questions – Again up to me to initiate if he sent the 1st questions. This step is 3 short answer questions – you can write your own or select from a list and you get 1000 characters to answer. Then he sends his 3 questions back to me.

6. Open Communication – After 2nd questions, they can choose to start “Open Communication” – we can email each other as often as we like with no limitations – safely and securely over the site so you don’t reveal your personal email/phone # unless you want to. You can also request a secure phone call if you want to.

It’s been a month and I have had two first coffee dates since rejoining. One other guy has my cell number and I’m in “Open Communication” with five other guys. Surely there has to be a connection in there somewhere, right?

Check out the full blog to catch up on my Eharmony experience so far in more detail.


  1. hitcliff
    August 20, 2009

    I have always found online dating to be incredibly superficial. have read a lot on the topic at different blogs and books (download mainly from ) then decided to try. I have rarely actually got to know someone online -by know someone, I mean know if I can trust them or not, know if I would like to spend several hours in their company, even just have a relatively clear idea about the facts of their life (age, profession, marital status).
    And then, the whole first date thing – you’ve been flirting with this person for two weeks, and you finally meet in a bar, and you realise that physically there is nothing there… It’s a very awkward situation.

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