How much effort should you put into Valentine’s Day? Have you just started dating someone but are avoiding any titles? Been in the same relationship for 8 years and feeling a little bit “over it”. It can be hard and confusing to gage. To help sort us out, our favourite co-operative sex store, CAYA, is lending us a hand (har!) by hooking us up with naughty but appropriate Valentine’s Day accouterments for every type of couple.

The “are we or aren’t we” maybe-couple

Are you his girlfriend? Or just a friend with benefits? Your maybe-relationship is spackled with shades of doubt and you haven’t worked up the nerve to have “the talk.” He asked you to hang out on Valentine’s Day..…what does it mean?

Kinky Sex-Scratchers, $13.50

Game plan: you rip one out and hide it in your dudes jacket pocket, then gage his reaction upon finding. If he digs it, GREAT! If he’s not into it – deny all involvement, ditch him and grab a slice of pizza. You’ll laugh about this one day.

The “too cool for school” couple

You’ve been having adult sleep-overs for a couple of months, and it’s been pretty cool. You arbitrarily decide to hang on Feb 14th but you’re both progressive, and like, totally don’t care about some fake, bullshit holiday. Though…on second thought, you still/ kind of/ sort of/ maybe, wanna initiate something a little sexy.

The Feminist Porn Book, $26.95

Read all about the politics of producing pleasure…in bed. Then put the good word to practice. Simple.

The “honeymoon” couple

You’ve been dating a couple months and shit’s exciting. Your bods are perfectly in sync, ready to be ravaged and explored. You’re as hot and horny as you’ll ever be for one another and you don’t need any help spicing things up, but it would be fun to try something totally unexpected while in the height of your lusty prime…

1. Truth or Dare, $19.95

Get under the sheets for a kinky game of truth or dare. The options are endless, and oh-so-sexy!

2. Hathor Sensual Love Lotion, 4 oz, $25.00

We love this stuff! It’s made locally, from organically cultivated essential oils and it smells like coconuts. Rub it on, lick it off, have fun!

The “long-ass relationship” couple

It’s been YEEAAAARSSSS. You’ve seen everything and done everything. You’ve attempted to shake things up in the past but settled on quickies because they free up your time to binge on Netflix. Hmmm, it would be nice to do something different….but what?

Rock Her World Workshop at CAYA, Thurs Feb 13, $35

A fun class for you and your lover to enjoy together. In an intimate group setting, learn the tips and tricks to make her moan with pleasure. PS. Bring your appetite, literally, as you’ll be using fruit and candy as props.

The “meh-meh-married” couple

You probably have wedding bands, yay. See the long-ass relationship couple, but replace “quickies” with “purchasing a washer and dryer” and “watch Big Bang Theory reruns” with “do your taxes.” Then add children and/or mortgage/line of credit/#adulthumanproblems to the mix. Clearly, you deserve a night of romance and relaxation more than these other d-bags.

1. LeatherBeaten Thumbcuffs, $24.00

Cute, versatile, and they get the job DONE! Can even be worn as a bracelet.  

2. Bondage Tape, 30”, $10.00

Available in every colour of the rainbow, this stuff only sticks to itself, so no more awkward ripping of hairs. Woot! Woot! (Unless you’re into that sort of thing).

3. Best Bondage Erotica 2014, $19.50

A great way to figure out where your boundaries lie. Get the conversation started by highlighting the bits that turn you on and passing over to your lover.

The “single and lovin’ it” lady

You’re a happily single lady who wants to watch a sexy movie and diddle her skittle. We got you, girl!

1. Minna Limon Vibrator, $120.00

When life gives you pink lemons…wait, what? We love Minna’s latest vibrator because it pulsates like a champ and is super easy to use. Did we mention it looks like a LEMON?

2. XConfessions by You and Erika Lust, DVD, $30 to buy. Or rent it!

Made by a woman, this is a beautifully shot film consisting of 10 explicit, sweet and sexy vignettes. From a sadistic fitness instructor being tied up by lusty babes in spandex to a dude eating a dick-shaped lolly on a park bench, XConfessions is cheeky, fun and hot hot hot!

Have fun!