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Eleanor of Aquitaine (1122-1204)

by Lizzie

Why We Should Care: She’s a role model for heiresses everywhere. Look no further, Paris Hilton, for advice on how to get out of a shit marriage without losing the land and on mothering your boys into vicious regicide conspirators. Being the most eligible bachelorette in Europe she served a stint first as Queen of France and then as Queen of England. She also bore King Richard and King John, those two lions in Disney’s Robin Hood.

For Her Biopic We’d Cast: Kristin Scott Thomas for her British heritage, French citizenship and classy bearing.

Two Traits We Admire:
1) She spoke Poitevin. We long to speak an obscure dialect too.
2) She ran a love court, where a jury of six men and six women judged amoral disputes. How has this premise not been adapted into a reality TV show?

What Highschool Textbooks Didn’t Say: Rumour was that while on crusade Eleanor hooked up with her Uncle Raymond. Ew.

Style best described as: Tank Girl meets the Dark Ages. Eleanor costumed herself as an Amazon while on crusade. Sarah Palin, take note: should you become VP we’d really appreciate it if you donned the Amazon look and galloped around Iraq on a white stallion. Word is, this is a very effective war tactic.

How she’s celebrated: Can it get much better than having Katharine Hepburn cast as you? She plays Eleanor in The Lion in Winter.

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