If you’ve been following along, then you know I quit my job as a morning radio host and am now floating through the ether of unemployment. It’s hard.
Since I was fifteen, I’ve had a job. I know that’s a pretty privileged statement, but what it means is that for half my life I have been making my own money. And it gave me a sense of independence. Even if it was only a couple of shekles, I knew it was mine to spend, or save. But mostly spend.
When I was twenty-one, working two jobs and going to school, I thought to myself, “As soon as I’m making the full-time paycheque monies, I will never look back!” And yet, here we are – feeling all of the feelings and not knowing where to put them because everything is new and scary, and you’re not twenty-one anymore. Ugh.
Here are some things I didn’t expect to feel, but do anyway:
- For the first official week of unemployment I hated everyone with a job. Going to the grocery store depressed me because I would have to see the cashier who was obviously twelve years old getting PAID when I wasn’t.
- I mostly wear track pants. In fact, I even bought myself a fancy new pair! But they were on sale, and I used a gift card from Christmas.
- You’d think being in busy places would make me feel as though I’m in a thriving city that’s full of potential, but instead it makes me feel small, unimportant, and lost.
- Fridays are not what they use to be. Work had a way of making me feel like I deserved the weekend; that I deserved a break, and perhaps a drink. Now that every day is a break, I feel like I don’t deserve to have fun. Sundays are cool though.
- With each passing day, I feel less and less relevant.
- Unless it’s your birthday month, or you’re going on a trip, February sucks balls. For everyone – not just the unemployed.
- Now that I’m not getting up at the ass-crack of dawn every day, I’ve become reacquainted with nighttime snacking, WHICH IS THE DEVIL’S WORK.
- I tripped down some stairs in the subway and broke my laundry buggy and NOT ONE person stopped to ask if I was okay. I thought for sure I had turned invisible. YOU CAN SEE ME, RIGHT?
The feeling that I made a big mistake and that I will never work again is strong – strong enough to throw me off my game, but I refuse to let it. And if you’re going through some of these things too, keep this old saying in mind: The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed. If THAT’S the case, then I’m about to succeed. HARD.
So this was a bit of a downer, but you know what? Coming up in part 4, I’ll have some coping skills and tips that have been helping me through this weird little life journey, and I hope you’ll stay with me.
DON’T LEAVE ME.
Dani Stover just moved back to Toronto after five years in Peterborough where she was working her dream job as a morning radio host. Besides getting up super early every morning to talk on the radio, Stover also produced and hosted the web series Bandwagon and a DIY series The Basic Girls’ Guide. She also spearheaded the first-ever PTBO PAD PARTY, which raised menstrual products for women in need. After quitting her job and coming back to the big city, Stover has hit the restart button on her life.