What do inter-office emails, riding the subway and instant coffee all have in common? You can engage in all of them with your new office crush, or crushes, because why have one when you can have three? Humans are programmed to bond to proximal objects: pets, volleyballs named Wilson, and for the emotionally defunct, microwaves and Audrey Hepburn posters (they can fall or break but at least they won’t desert you). Thus it goes without saying that we will warm up to those whom we can spy on from over the cubicle wall. Unlike one night stands, the office crush is open to all; the partnered and the single can all participate, but when does the office crush move from harmless to high risk behaviour?

Upon entering high school, not only did I finally accept boobs as a permanent houseguest on my chest, but I developed an intense crush that led me to check my schedule five times a week. Years later, I flirted with a colleague to dull the blues of a long distance relationship. Sure, an office cutie may persuade you to actually straighten your hair or shave your legs, but as some famous poet (and my insightful friend Paul) once said, you can’t enjoy the good without the bad…thus, for every bewitching elevator ride you must endure a full day of hiding a massive pimple or worse yet, the loneliness/disappointment/guilt which kicks in when your work amigo quits/mentions his girlfriend/your boyfriend writes you a sickeningly sweet email.

To avoid being branded the office plaything, I recommend that all dalliances occur beyond the cubicle playground. But if you must, ensure the person sits far enough away that s/he can’t see you creeping on his/her employee profile. And never disclose details about an office crush while you still work with said individual– you’d be surprised how quickly “cute new girl on 4” becomes “crazy stalker on 4”. It’s never happened to me; of course…it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of mine…