by Louisa Cohen
1. Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy camp
Not all rappers wanna be ballers – some just wanna be rockers. Lil Wayne’s upcoming album Rebirth features rock n’roll guitar riffs played by the playa himself. The fans have spoken, and there are some haters out there wishing Weezy would drop the axe and stick with the mic. I’ve got faith in little man. To improve his rapper-to-rocker riffs Wayne is getting sent to Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy camp where he can learn to improve his guitar skills being taught by the likes of Steven Tyler, Slash, Paul Stanley, and Vince Neil. http://www.rockcamp.com/
2. “I Am Not a Paper Cup.”
We know there’s no changing it: Weezy is hooked on ‘the purp’ (his own concoction of purple cough syrup and god-knows-what-else). Wayne can give up drinking it out of double-cupped Styrofoam and get more earth friendly with a ceramic “I Am Not a Paper Cup.”
3. Bling H20
When he isn’t sipping on the purple drank – Lil Dubs can cleanse by drinking the most luxurious bottled water there is. Bling H20 goes though a nine-step water filtration process and is bottled in glass bedecked in Swarovski crystals. Bottles of Bling H20 can sell for up to $90.00 a bottle. www.blingh2o.com
4. Belkin GoStudio mixer/recorder for iPod
Lil Wayne is known for never writing down his raps – he fears being published post-mortem a la Kurt Cobain. With the Belkin GoStudio mixer/recorder for iPod he can be on the move and spit rhymes from anywhere. http://www.belkin.com/ca/
5. Michael Jackson, This Is It
Icons to icons. May the tightest pants win.
Buy it at Amazon
6. Space Adventure
Constantly self-referencing as ‘the Martian,’ Weezy can take a trip to a galaxy far far away with a ticket on the first private space expedition to the Moon, where he can feel closer to his kind. Weezy, we grant you this gift at the cool price of $100 million dollars…Merry Christmas, Chanukah, and Kwanzaa for the next bazillion years. www.spaceadventures.com
7 Mo’s Bacon Bar
Smoking that much green has got to give him some crazy-ass munchies… How about a Mo’s Bacon Bar, bacon infused chocolate bar by Vosges. $20 per bar, available at Whole Foods at Hazelton Lanes. http://www.vosgeschocolate.com
8. JO H20 Flavored Personal Lubricant
Just to have on hand, JO H20 Flavored Personal Lubricant – so that the ladies really li-li- li-li lick him like a lollipop! http://www.systemjo.com/
9. Louisa Cohen
At the ripe old age of 26 Wayne is baby-daddy to 4 children already (with one still yet to be popped out by “singer” Nivea) – no, he did not impregnate a water company. Weezy F. Baby – lets make it 5. I give you SDTC West Coast correspondent Louisa Cohen. She lives in BC where the weed is plentiful, and after this union takes place a new album is likely to be inspired (Sippin’ on Gin and Jews set to release Fall 2010).
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