Happy Pride! Below, find five handy tips to help you keep it together, and keep your…er…pride intact during Toronto Pride. For more festivities, check out our 2012 Party Guide!
1. Turn off your Grindr. Your phone may experience a stroke and explode.
2. Drink lots of water. You don’t want to be dehydrated, suffer a heat stroke, and pass out in a beer garden by 10 am.
3. When you see five of your exes, especially the one that cheated on you three times, stole all your cats, and still talks to your mother on a daily basis, DO NOT, at all costs:
A. Start wailing uncontrollably. Nobody likes an ugly cry face, Claire Danes.
B. Make them jealous by making out with the nearest slut/drag queen/bear/power bottom/Jodie Foster
C. Ask for your favorite pair of underwear/dildo/heart back
4. If you are a straight guy, don’t go with the intention of picking up a hot dyke. Unless it’s purple, made of silicon and shaped like a swan, they don’t want your goods. However, if you do manage to seduce a Kurt Kobain look-a-like, be prepared to wake up with all of your denim jackets miraculously transformed into denim vests in the morning.
5. Have fun. Clothing optional.
~ Radcliffe U. Hall