Single ladies corral to snuff out Cupid's emotional bullshit

Did you lace up in fancy lingerie and a trench coat – only to erupt into a huge fight over the unrequested porn he brought? Please don’t tell me he went the dreaded coupon route – that should be reserved for seven year olds and their moms. Perhaps suckered by the marketing you bought tix to that Valentine flick with forty mega celebs and finished the night with a salty popcorn blowjob. Or maybe the romantic bubble bath turned into him clipping your toenails and you luffa-ing his callous? Sexy times.

Having just returned from a ten night romantic getaway on a Mexican lagoon, the hubby and I didn’t really feel we had to do Valentine’s day. So I decided to stain my teeth red and join the girls night out.

In a small living room, ten – yes that’s right – TEN EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE and INTELLIGENT single women – guzzled wine, snacked on homemade hummus and recalled tales of jack-hammering one night stands, man-festering smells and stupid-fuck losers who whisper all the wrong things pre-cum. The uproarious laughter and charade reenactments of blundering doggy style disasters were periodically interjected with casual pondering regarding the whereabouts of cute, nice and available boys in this city.

The idea was to hit the venue with the most palpable contingency of dick. Different happenings were tossed around – but all the while continuing the onslaught of nightmare date tales and stories of airhead relatives bulldozing down families with their elicit affairs. Naturally, there was a sprinkle of complements regarding hair – shoes and gloss that fell between rough curses and man-slams.

Finally we hit the road at 12:30 – a mobilized unit of Aritzia puffy ski coats and inadequate footwear. We were approached by a couple preppy assholes and the most handsome boring man in the world flirted with a couple of the ladies but that this didn’t dent the revelry. We had our own fun going on – full steam ahead – and although no Valentine’s were exchanged – the sparks between close girlfriends was ample electricity and fun to fill a cold February night. It was clear by vino number four that objective of the night had changed course from “must find artsy boys” to “let’s just have fun”. It was an easy switch.

Trumping the emotionally loaded hallmark occasion is a pleasure when surrounded by the company of good women.

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