Tangled Tales: Lovers, Friends and Pantyhose

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting really tired of wearing tights under everything. Call them what you want—tights, leggings, hosiery, stockings—but let’s be honest; they’re all a close cousin of the unfortunately named pantyhose. UTI and wedgie inducing; hot sex hindering, nemesis of the big toenail pantyhose. With that said, I am happy to report that I stripped down and bared serious leg this morning and thus, spring has arrived! It’s been so long that the word is now associated with cheap shoe outlets in malls than with freshly cut grass. But any day now Starbucks will release a new frappucino, patios will open for lunch, hot boys will run by your apartment window and you can re-christen your balcony with the first beer of the season. While you purge your closet of last year’s frivolous purchases, you may also want to take stock of the people in your life. Some relationships may be as perplexing (and fatal) as the SARS epidemic. While others may have the potential for so much more…  

When two friends get together after months or even years of engaging and disengaging one another, it seems like the whole world can finally stop holding its breath. The couple in question may find that it can’t appear in public without hearing some variation of “It’s about time!” thrown at them. And like that first bare-legged morning, you feel nervous but giddy. Yes, it’s fab and exciting and simplifies plans on Friday night, but it also complicates things infinitely. Suddenly you can’t tell your good friend about your boyfriend’s irritating sleeping habits without simultaneously telling the boyfriend. And dare I ask, what happens if it doesn’t work out? You’re forced to swallow your pain along with your soy misto as you attempt to listen to your ‘friend’ talk about his new fling. (While he’s at it, why not fling himself out of the 416?) 

Sure, you can tell yourself you’ll never dip your love bucket in the well of friendship, but as a wise woman recently reminded me, chances are your next boyfriend will be a friend of a friend. As we go through life, we only meet more people; while we may de-friend on Facebook we can’t un-know someone in the real world. Therefore, it’s very likely a friend could become a future lover. (e.g. Jay’s friend from work seems safer than ‘Santiago’ offering to buy you a vodka soda, claiming you “look familiar”). It’s about time someone wrote a book on the matter. Maybe He Stuck it In, and Now I Want Out (for friends)? I’d write it myself, but I’m trying to decide whether ex-lovers can be friends, or if lovers were ever really friends to begin with. Perhaps I’m the wrong one to ask; fatal or not, I’m still trying to recreate the feverish summer of SARS. What can I say, some may carry a torch; others watch it go up in flames.


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