Toronto Hit List: Fuck It, MJ + Prince Video Dance Party, Free Lemonade & Signed Photos of John Stamos*, Wave Racer & more!

August 7th-17th SummerWorks Performance Festival @ Theatre Centre, 1115 Queen St. W. Ontario’s premier festival of cutting-edge, exciting, professional theatre. $15 single tickets available online.

August 9th-10th Vintage & Flea Community Market @ Vintage & Flea, 1263 Dundas St. W. A community furniture and clothing market happening every weekend! Featuring a selection of vintage clothing, designer consignment, and antique furniture. Starts at noon and goes late.

WEDNESDAY

10 pm Liquid Karaoke @ Bambi’s, 1265 Dundas St. W. Colin Bergh, James McDonough, Nadia Belerique, and Jeff Hayward are your hosts. $4 Jameson and $5.50 pints before midnight.

10 pm Home Based @ Weldon Park, 569 College St. A night filled with good hip-hop, good people, and good vibes with DJs Sanga Genesis, James Redi, and special guests. Every Wednesday.

11 pm Birkenrock 1 Year Anniversary @ The Beaver, 1192 Queen St. W. Your one-stop event for everything female alternative, OLD AND NEW, as curated by Daniel McIntyre and David Van Poppel. Featuring all your Women & Songs favourites + some modern jams!

THURSDAY

6 pm “As A Body” Opening Reception @ Cooper Cole, 1161 Dundas St. W. An exhibition that insists on the physical presence of the body, painting from life with all of its inconsistencies, unedited fragments and mutual dependencies. The exhibition, curated by Kari Cwynar, features recent work by seven artists: Mira Dancy, Olivia Dunbar, Allison Katz, Lauren Luloff, Jenine Marsh, Jody Rogac and Camilla Wills. Until 9 pm. Exhibition runs until September 6.

7:30 pm Open Roof Festival: “The Grand Seduction” @ 99 Sudbury St. Performance by singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Tomi Swick followed by a screening of “Grand Seduction,” a comedy based on the 2003 Quebecois hit “La Grande Séduction.” $15 advance tickets available online.

8 pm Ninja Turtles Party @ The Office Pub, 117 John St. Calling all Turtles fans: The Office Pub is hosting an epic TMNT party! Featuring a trivia competition, costume contest with prizes for best and most obscure, and a midnight screening of the original movie. $4 Ninja Turtle shots and mixed drinks all night long.

8 pm Say Wha?! Readings of Deliciously Rotten Writing @ Comedy Bar, 945 Bloor St. W. Performers put their comedic spin on some of the worst writing ever published at this literary/comedy show from Vancouver-based host and producer Sara Bynoe, “One of Vancouver’s most hilarious people” – WestEnder. Readers include: Erin Rodgers (Awkward show), Anders Yates (Bad Dog/Uncalled For), Lauren Prussky (Dawn Patrol) and, of course, Sara Bynoe (Teen Angst Night/ Say Wha?!). $10 advance tickets available online.

10 pm Strangelove @ Weldon Park, 569 College St. The return of a Toronto cultural institution. Every Thursday. Music by Rainer and Grimm. $5.

10 pm #ThrowbackThursdays @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. Every Thursday, come get a taste of tunes from: J-Lo, DMX, Spice Girls, Will Smith, Aqua, Ludacris, Backstreet Boys, Snoop Dogg, S Club 7, Jay-Z, Hanson, Ace of Base, Savage Garden, Britney Spears, Destiny’s Child, and many more. $5.

10 pm Twisted Thursdays @ Crawford, 718 College St. Hip-hop, RnB, reggae, trap, and old school with DJ Law. $5.

10 pm Fat Laces @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. DJ Big Jimmy Mills, the scratch-monster, spins old school hip-hop.

10 pm Worlwide @ Bambi’s, 1265 Dundas St. W. Loose sounds in the dark. Dancehall, dembow, club, 3ball, grime.

FRIDAY

10 pm MJ + Prince Video Dance Party @ The Steady, 1051 Bloor St. W. Video dance party featuring ONLY Michael Jackson and Prince! Hosted and VJ’ed by DJ WhatsHerProblem. $4 Dirty Diana Shots.

10 pm Fuck It @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. The ladies of Bangs & Blush invite you to another night chocked full of the best and worst from the ’80s, ’90s, and ’00s – only the guiltiest of pleasures will be played! (If you don’t know the Celine Dion smash hit “My Heart Will Go On,” don’t come.) $5.

10 pm Dirty Talk @ Unlovable, 1415-B Dundas St. W. The Adult Fantasy Adventure™. DJs Diana and Pammm play glittey Italo disco, sassy euro synth-pop, and outer space dad jams.

10 pm City Love / Phazed Birthday Bash @ Crawford, 718 College St. Upstairs, Lacey & Tammy blast out the hottest hip-hop and RnB tracks! Downstairs, DJ Aphillyaded celebrates his birthday. $5 before 11:30 pm, more after.

10 pm Sex Blazers II @ Sex Laser, 1369 Dundas St. W. A lifetime of the absolute finest disco/funk/anything else, courtesy your dapper hosts, DJ Salinger (Daniel Warth) and DJ Noted Recluse (Miles Barstead). In jackets ill-advised for the season, appropriate for the occasion, they will continue to share the purest joy.

10 pm Huglife @ Handlebar, 159 Augusta Ave. Only music made for bumpin’ and grindin’. Visuals provided by Sean Price. DJs Emoticon and Shanly B2B all night. Good vibes, sticky dance floor, chill patio.

10 pm Synthesexer @ The Piston, 937 Bloor St. W. A wet and drippy, catch my eye-y, shake my body, bite my lip-y, sexy synthy dance party! Expect to hear stuff like Tiga, Annie, Chromeo, M.I.A., Holy Ghost!, Robyn, Daft Punk, Little Dragon, Pet Shop Boys, and more. DJs ARP 2600, Digits, and Little Kicks will be present to sex you up (music-wise). $5.

10 pm Cruising @ The Boat, 158 Augusta Ave. Join DJs Moulton Lava (Dwayne Minard and Brian Duval) as they take you to the sexy ’70s with more disco than you can shake a Bee Gee at. $5.

10 pm Animal Crackers @ Kensington Lodge, 21 Kensington Ave. Bite-size animals. Big fun. Hint: ’90s romance grooves and dance jams. Bring someone special or find a new creature to swoon over.

10 pm Damaged Goods @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. A dance party specializing in Britpop, new wave, post-punk, and synth! Free before 11 pm, $5 after.

10 pm No Sleep ‘Til Brooklynn @ Brooklynn, 1186 Queen St. W. Make new friends. No dress code. No bullshit. Music by DJ FeelGoodSmalls. Mickey “bottle service” available. $5 with guestlist before 11:30 pm, $10 otherwise.

10 pm Get By Friday @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. DJs Mantis and Hajah Bug spin hip-hop, funk, soul, and reggae vibes on two turntables. All jams all night. $5.

11 pm Her @ La Perla, 783 Queen St. W. The MisdemeanHER Edition. DJs Kiki LeFreak, Blondspot, and OMGBLOG.com spin prison house and penitentiary disco all night. Special performance by hostess Buzz Hundeedew celebrating her release from the drunk tank. For line bypass, email set.her.free@gmail.com. $5.

11 pm Party Machine @ The Drake Underground, 1150 Queen St. W. DJs Blaster (Montreal, CKUT, Chuurch), Caff (Good Kids, Step Twins), and Walmer Convenience (DAD, Step Twins) play the best in classic to current hip-hop, R&B, dancehall, and club music. In the Lounge, DJ Your Boy Brian (More Proof) plays a feel-good party mix. $10.

SATURDAY

10 am Toronto Flower Market @ Great Gulf, 1056 Queen St. W. A one-of-a-kind shopping experience for urban dwellers looking for high-quality and affordable plants and flowers. Featuring an abundance of fresh-cut, potted, and bedding flower varieties sourced directly from Ontario greenhouses. Until 3 pm.

1 pm Free Lemonade & Signed Photos of John Stamos* @ Dufferin Grove Park, 875 Dufferin St. In the social wasteland that is Toronto, a single annual event serves as an oasis for those with good sense and refined taste. It is an occasion known as Free Lemonade and Signed Photos of John Stamos*. Here, the lemonade will flow like a river of golden nectar and the photos of John Stamos will be signed with such reckless fervour, that someone is bound to develop carpal tunnel syndrome by the end of the day! *As always, photos will be signed by an individual who is not John Stamos, has no relation to Mr. Stamos, and does not bear any particular physical resemblance to the celebrity in question (the aforementioned John S.). Until 4 pm. (Rain date: Sunday, August 10.)

10 pm Wave Racer @ Studio Bar, 824 Dundas St. W. Wave Racer is 21-year-old Tom Purcell – a 64 bit freak whose blend of pixelated future-funk is fast taking Australia by storm. His sound is often (and best) described as driving down Mario Kart’s Rainbow Road to the club of your dreams. With support from Harrison, hrmxny, and Muneshine. $ advance tickets available at Rotate This, Soundscapes, and online.

10 pm Strictly Business @ The Red Light, 1185 Dundas St. W. DJs Serious and Numeric on the ones and twos, dropping classic hip-hop and R&B summer anthems all night long!

10 pm Ignition 3 Year Anniversary @ Crawford, 718 College St. For over three years, DJs Caff and The Dirty Frenchman have been bringing you this party inspired by R Kelly’s music and production. To help them celebrate, they’re bringing in a super special surprise guest. Expect to hear: Aaliyah, Future, Ciara, Janet & Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Migos, Mary J. Blige, Twista, Keith Murray, Cassidy, Jay-Z, Nas, Ludacris, Usher, and Public Announcement as well as other classic and contemporary hip-hop, R&B, new jack swing, and dancehall. $5 before 11:30 pm, more after.

10 pm Pacific High @ Bambi’s, 1265 Dundas St. W. Bruce Trail and DJ Colin play Dymaxion house music all night long.

10 pm Business Woman’s Special: I Couldn’t Find My Top Edition @ Round, 152-A Augusta Ave. It’s August. It’s summer. Come take your top off and dance the night away. DJs Sammy Royale and Nino Brown will be spinning all night long. $6.

10 pm Secret Models @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. One big room, full of bad bitches! DJs Secret Models play hits straight from your high school semi-formal.

10 pm The BRTHDAY PRTY @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. Who doesn’t love a birthday party?! Music provided by Styles of Tigers and RVM. Cupcake hour provided by Baken Toronto. Free before 11 pm, $5 after.

10 pm Tramp @ The Steady, 1051 Bloor St. W. GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS who love GIRLS (and their friends). Music by DJs Jacqie Jaguar and Bambii. $5 pints of Hogtown + $4 Tropical Titty Twister shots. $5.

10 pm Puppy Love @ The Beaver, 1192 Queen St. W. A laid back, sugar-sweet Friday evening to woo loves (new and old) by sunset. More a peck-on-the-cheek than a full on makeout. A night for people who aren’t into the club scene but want to shake their booty and make new friends. Also: dance floor with DJ Acow, board games/truth or dare/spin the bottle, outdoor patio, tons of sex-positive friends to meet, lots of places to sit and talk! $7.

10 pm Shake, Rattle & Roll @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. Spend the night together with the Bangs & Blush ladies! ’60s pop, soul and rock ‘n’ roll to drink, dance, and get messy to. $5.

10 pm Funk Off @ The Boat, 158 Augusta Ave. Get down to music of the funk variety! TNT on the tunes. $5.

10 pm Beam Me Up Disco @ The Piston, 937 Bloor St. W. A Digital Needle DJs and Cyclist deliver a healthy serving of funky and soulful disco, disco-rap, boogie, and other aural oddities primed to make you groove! Aussie transplant El Devine will set things off right from 10-11 pm. $10.

10 pm Urulu @ Wrongbar, 1279 Queen St. W. Heineken Green Room presents: DJ set by Uulu (Let’s Play House, UK) with support from Natural Animal and Kings of the North. Free entry before midnight or with RSVP (email guestlist@wrongbar.com).

11 pm Shake A Tail @ Sneaky Dee’s, 431 College St. ’60s pop, rock, soul, funk, garage, ska, ANYTHING! Always humid. $5.

SUNDAY

10 am The Junction Flea @ 191 Sterling Rd. Featuring a mix of independent vendors selling antiques, handmade craft+design, food, vintage clothing, records, and more. Until 5 pm. $2.

10 am Sunday Mini Mart @ The Drake Hotel, 1150 Queen St. W. Every Sunday morning to afternoon, The Drake hosts theTimberlost + friends mini market. Featuring beautiful flowers from Timberlost, with rotating wares ranging from stationary to street art.

4 pm Sky Yard Sundays @ The Drake Sky Yard, 1150 Queen St. W. Brunch, booze, and a ton of fun in the Sun(day)! Fuel up with a late brunch or refreshing Coronas, and enjoy the sounds of weekly DJs from 4-8 pm.

7 pm Brass Facts Trivia @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. Test your knowledge and win prizes! Hosted by Famous Kirk Hero. Until 10 pm.

7:30 pm Christie Pits Film Festival: “Moonrise Kingdom” @ Christie Pits Park, 779 Crawford St. Wes Anderson’s nostalgic summer camp adventure “Moonrise Kingdom” screening with “Record” (directed by Dylan Reibling) and “Echo Beach” (Martha and the Muffins). Food service from Caplansky’s and Wild Child’s Kitchen begins at 7:30 pm, screening at 9:15 pm. PWYC / BYOBlanket.

~ For event submissions, email Caitlyn Holroyd at caitlyn_holroyd@hotmail.com

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