December 2nd-18th Toronto Christmas Market @ The Distillery District, 55 Mill St. This free annual event captures all of the tradition, heritage and charm of a European Christmas Market. Hundreds of unique and local handcrafted products, specialty beer and mulled wine gardens, carolers and more. 

December 17th-18th Glory Box Pop-Up @ Manifesto, 37 Bulwer St. (one street north of Queen between Soho and Spadina). The first-ever pop-up shop from Glory Box, offering an amazing selection of clothing, housewares and children’s brands for up to 75% off retail! Clothing by Twenty8Twelve, Tiger of Sweden, Velvet, suits by Versace and more + deals on items from Le Creuset, Staub, Breville and Pottery Barn Kids. Cash, debit and credit accepted. Runs Saturday from 10 am to 7 pm and Sunday from 10 am to 6 pm.  

WEDNESDAY 

10 pm HumbleMania 32 @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. Performance by special guest Martha Meredith and the debut of the Ben Caplan session of Live in Bellwoods. Dance party afterwards! 

THURSDAY 

7 pm Artist Run Centre Holiday Quickie @ The Gladstone Hotel Ballroom, 1214 Queen St. W. Watch several artist-run centres compete in the best cookie competition, strut your stuff in the holiday sweater runway show (best and worst sweaters welcome), and show off your DJ skills on the open turntables (bring 20 minutes worth of vinyl and jump on the decks). PWYC/non-perishable food donations for the Daily Bread Food Bank. Until midnight. 

8 pm Broken English @ The Drake Underground, 1150 Queen St. W. With BADBADNOTGOOD (remember these guys?), Actual Water, Vanity Muscles, Ghetto Gold Matt and special guest DJs. Guaranteed to sellout so arrive early! $10.  

10 pm X-Mess: A VICE Issue Release Party @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. To celebrate the release of VICE Magazine’s December Issue (or just as an excuse to have a wild-mannered holiday bonanzé), they’re throwing a big, festive blowout, the likes of which will rival even the most drink-til-it’s-not-awkward family party and Doug-from-design-locked-himself-in-the-bathroom-with-Santa work soirée. DJ Scott Wade plays Christmas tunes and everything else, plus, a super secret visit from your favourite seasonal dude.  

10 pm Grilled Cheese @ Crawford, 718 College St. DJs Jon Chetty and James Redi play Motown, disco, hip-hop and reggae while Fundament holds it down front and centre with a mic, a George Foreman grill, a stack of Cheesy slices and a fresh loaf. FREE GRILLED CHEESE ON THE DANCE FLOOR! Drink specials include $5 pints of PBR, $5 Jameson, Jager and tequila, $6 cocktails, $8 mug of PBR + shot of Jameson, Jager or tequila, and $15 pitchers of PBR. Free before 11 pm, $5 after.  

10 pm Adrift’s 4th Annual Booty Shaking Contest @ Wrongbar, 1279 Queen St. W. With DJ Funk from Chicago, St. Mandrew and guests. $1,000 grand prize for best booty shaker! $5 before 11 pm, more after.  

10 pm Craig Dunsmuir and Nick Storring @ Holy Oak, 1241 Bloor St. W. The boys play CDs and CD-Rs on C.D.’s CD-DJ whilst selecting, sequencing and maybe even occasionally synchronising pre-recorded music (or ‘DJing’) for your drinking enjoyment. Enjoy? 

10 pm OTM Magazine Issue 10 Celebration @ Camp 4, 1173 Dundas St. W. A celebration for the release of OTM Magazine’s Winter 2011 issue: REFINED. Join them for some vinyl, champagne and a guaranteed dance party! 

10 pm The Reception @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. Imagine all your favourite weddings, bat mitzvahs and semi-formals all had sex and made a ridiculously awesome baby! The Reception is that love child minus your pervy drunk uncle. AC/DC to Aretha Franklin, DMX to Donna Summer, Ella Fitzgerald to Eminem. 

FRIDAY 

6 pm Community 54 Store Launch @ Community 54, 1275 Queen St. W. The opening of Community 54’s Toronto location (fashion meets video arcade!) featuring a special in-store meet and greet with rapper Rich Hil.  

8 pm Opening Night Theatre Presents: Smashed for the Holidays @ Augusta House, 152-A Augusta Ave. Featuring performances by musicians Brock Edwards and Alison Jutzi, improv team Standards & Practices, director Aurora Browne and her improvising friends, headliners Smash Hit: An Improvised Musical, and DJ Betti Forde. $8 in advance, $10 at the door.  

8 pm Free “It’s A Wonderful Life” Screening @ Toronto Underground Cinema, 186 Spadina Ave. A classic holiday film delivered to you FOR FREE by the folks at Toronto Underground Cinema! Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.  

8:30 pm A Toronto Christmas @ Steam Whistle Brewery, 255 Bremner Blvd. A swanky and fun charitable Christmas party! With Toronto band Nights & Weekends + DJs Rouge, Rob Friday, Mikky Eriksen and Bobbleheads. Santa hats and reindeer antlers will be given out at the door. $30 early bird tickets, $40 regular.  

10 pm Mistletoe Disco @ Riva Supper Lounge, 584 College St. An extra-shimmery party in celebration of the holidays! DJs Filthy Gorgeous, Atyeo and Sylvermayne play discoy and disco-ish tunes. For booth reservations, call (416) 588-7377. No cover.  

10 pm High Holy Disco X-Mas @ The Garrison, 1197 Dundas St. W. A special Christmas party brought to you by DJ Andycapp. Expect to hear rare disco, weirdball house, freaky 80’s shit and voodoo beats.  

10 pm Hip-Hop Karaoke: Round #59 @ Revival, 783 College St. The last edition of HHK for 2011! With hosts Abdominal and More Or Les + DJs Numeric and Ted Dancin’. $5 before 11 pm, $10 after.  

10 pm The Fiyah Ball @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. Strictly HOT music all night long. Sweat the night away with special guests Young Empires!  

10 pm Way Out @ Salvador Darling, 1237 Queen St. W. Pan-psychedelic sounds of old and new provided by DJs Kaewonder and Dougie Boom. 

10 pm That Shit Cray @ 751, 751 Queen St. W. DJs Mensa and Omada play 75 BPMs all night: current south bangers, classic regional hits, anthems about material wealth and possession, etc. $5.  

10 pm Bass @ Crawford, 718 College St. Hip-hop tunes that bring the bass with DJ Aphillyaded and Marko Orlic. Don’t forget your neck braces.  

10 pm Soul Surrender @ UNIT, 1198 Queen St. W. DJ Andy B Bad plays Motown, soul, funk and hip-hop while Char Loro instagrams the place.  

10 pm Sheroes #5: Yoko Ono @ Naco Gallery, 1665 Dundas St. W. DJ Noloves rocks your hot pants, Damian Rogers places her words between your mind and the sky, Sholem Krishtalka drags you into his i ii iii onochord, Derek Aubichon sounds smooth and clear without a trace of tear, Rusiko Lomtatisze reverses the cut piece through the power of togetherness, and Lorna Mills co-curates a mind-blowing presentation of nutopian GIF art. Do expect: #yokoonoyes, #imaginepeace. Don’t expect: #14yearoldbeatlefans, #maypang. 

10 pm 5th Annual Parkdale Festivus @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. A dance party for a great cause! Music provided by DJ Vaneska and raffle prizes donated by Parts & Labour, C2 Apparel, Crows Nest Barber Shop, The Pearl Harbour Gift Shop, MISFITSTUDIO, Jack Astor’s, Doublenaut, Bikes on Wheels and lots more. $10 at the door, with proceeds going to Interval House, a Toronto Shelter that provides emergency services for abused women and children. 

10 pm Girl & Boy 90s Dance Party @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. RnB, hip-hop, pop and 90’s dance music from North America and Europe. Only one rule: no Pearl Jam. Free before 11 pm with student ID, $5 otherwise. 

10 pm SoulSkank @ The Piston, 937 Bloor St. W. DJs Double K and G-Spot play ska, soul, funk, stax, Motown and dancehall + live horns brought to you by Gramera and Dennis P. 

10:30 pm Hos & Bros: Andrea True Memorial Edition @ The Henhouse, 1532 Dundas St. W. Get cray cray to the sexy jams of Andrea True (who passed away last month) and those of her funky/punky/disco sisters! 

11 pm Songs: A Dance Party’s 1st Birthday @ Sneaky Dee’s, 431 College St. They grow up so fast! For their first birthday, they asked The Rural Alberta Advantage to join them and, of course, they accepted. As always, Bobby Kimberley picks the jams before and after. $5. 

11:30 pm Crush @ Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. Dj Russell Manning of Twin Shadow spins a very special after dinner dance party upstairs. All the good stuff: Italo, disco, soul.  

SATURDAY 

9 am Winter Festival @ Evergreen Brickworks, 550 Bayview Ave. The launch of the winter season at the Brickworks! Featuring a winter farmers market, the opening of their family-friendly outdoor skating rink, food vendors, and cooking workshops on how to make delicious hot and spicy winter treats. Until 4:30 pm. 

8 pm 1 Love T.O. Holiday Skating Party @ Harbourfront Centre, 235 Queen’s Quay W. A night of skating, dancing, music, drinks, hot chocolate and fist pumping! Music by the official Toronto Blue Jays DJs Jedi and DJ D-Lux. Until 11 pm.  

10 pm Goin’ Steady X-Mas @ The Gladstone Hotel Ballroom, 1214 Queen St. W. A grimy 1950’s/60’s RnB dance party featuring the rarest and best music from the eras! Email goinsteady@gmail.com to be on the $5 all-night guest list. 

10 pm The Parkdale Soul Revue @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. DJs Mark Pesci and Kristal Kent spin sweet soul music by the likes of Stax, Volt, Hi, Chess, Motown and more. Special Christmas edition will include the best soul of the season plus the usual year-round classics! Free before 11:30 pm, $5 after. 

10 pm 17th Annual Blowup: Holiday Party Winter Ball Spectacular @ The Velvet Underground, 510 Queen St. W. DJs Davy Love, Darrell Joseph, Trevor Young, Duncan Rands and Adam Gorley shake the foundations of the Velvet with their Brit-pop-UK indie-60’s-mod mix! $10 advance tickets available at Fred Perry (964 Queen St. W.), Motoretta (554 College St.) and The Velvet Underground, with a portion of the ticket price going to some very worthy seasonal charities. 

10 pm Low Lyfe @ Unlovable, 1415-B Dundas St. W. Feeling feelings, drinking drinks and musicing musics with DJs Ian Worang and Jaime Sin. 

10 pm Get It Together: Hip-Hop Holiday Edition @ The Boat, 158 Augusta Ave. DJ Mikey McFly and posse present an open-format dance party with lots of grimy beats. 

10 pm I Know You Care @ Crawford, 718 College St. Hip-hop, funk and reggae upstairs with DJs James Redi, DustBuster and Shan Dub. Disco, 80’s and house downstairs with DJs Mix Chopin, JLR and Boots Boogie. $5.  

10 pm Friendship @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. The friendliest of dance parties playing nice music, such as Gang of Four, LCD Soundsystem, Junior Senior, Arcade Fire, Kylie Minogue, CSS, Daft Punk and more! 

10 pm EC Twins @ The Hoxton, 69 Bathurst St. House DJs Marc and Allister Blackham (a.k.a. the EC Twins) from Manchester stop by with guests Carl Louis and Martin Danielle. $10 advance tickets available at Rotate This, Soundscapes, Play De Record or online

10 pm Crunch! Naco’s Closing Party @ Naco Gallery, 1665 Dundas St. W. Aww, Naco’s closing! Come say goodbye and celebrate the good times with DJs Alex McClelland, John Caffery, NoLoves, Kenny, and Taiza in what is sure to be the ultimate dance party.  

10 pm Hot Blooded @ The Piston, 937 Bloor St. W. DJs Branco spin sweet disco hits to keep you stayin’ alive. 

10 pm Shake, Rattle & Roll @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. Spend the night together with the Bangs & Blush ladies! 60’s pop, soul and rock n’ roll to drink, dance and get messy to. $5. 

10 pm Karaoke: Holigay Edition @ The Henhouse, 1532 Dundas St. W. With hosts J.H. Christ and Bette Midler. Small print: Please note that this event is bisexual and straight-friendly. This event is also insanely non-denominational. 

SUNDAY 

1 pm Bolshoi Ballet Series: The Nutcracker @ Cineplex Odeon Sheppard Grand, Silvercity Yonge & Eglinton and Scotiabank Theatre. The holiday classic The Nutcracker captured live from the world renowned Bolshoi Ballet in Moscow.  

10 pm Ugly Sweater Party @ Tattoo Rock Parlour, 567 Queen St. W. Put on your ugliest sweater, grab a can of food and come party for a good cause! All clothing and non-perishable goods will be donated to The Scott Mission and prizes will be awarded for the ugliest sweater.  

~ Caitlyn Holroyd

(For event submissions, email caitlyn_holroyd@hotmail.com)