24 hours in Whistler: A Bi-Sexual Experiment with Lady Luck

by Vanessa Brazeau

8:00 AM Trip to Whistler debated over Breakfast
8:30 AM Trip to Whistler Confirmed
8:32 AM Trip to Whistler Cancelled
8:34 AM Trip to Whistler Re-Confirmed
11:00 AM  Packed and headed for transit to Horse Shoe Bay
12:00 PM Thumbs out on the Sea to Sky
12:02 PM Picked up by stylish Optometry software Entrepreneur/InteriorDesigner/Grandma/badass

Hopping into her sleek Audi, we enjoy a ride half way with a successful business owner and mother of three. I lean against a vintage sewing machine and learn about set/costume design and a recent directorial debut in ‘Snow White’. Horseshoe Bay’s first community production features a cast whose age does not exceed the number of beers I had consumed the evening before. I pull a spray painted mesh flower from beneath me as she passionately explains her efforts to inspire creativity in Horseshoe Bay’s youth. I quickly nurse mesh rose back to original shape as we enter Squamish, and with a warm goodbye we go our separate ways.

12:55 PM Thumbs back out
1:05 PM Limo Bus pulls over for what we assume will be a lecture on the dangers of hitch hiking.
1:05:10 PM Limo Bus offers ride to whistler

Our driver Alan is a 55 year old divorcee with three daughters and three times the heart than most. We hear about how it broke and the hardships of raising three daughters alone. Lonely rides to Whistler are cured by drifters like us. He unloads stories of celebrity clients, giving us a Perez Hilton fix, and learn the logistics of male strippers performing in moving cars. Sprawling in the 18 seater, plans are discussed and interrupted by Alan’s recounting of orgies in Toronto cafes during Pride Week.

2:00 PM Arrival in Whistler
2:10 PM Sneak into construction site to change clothes, crush dreams of workers when pointed to a bathroom by the boss.
2:30 PM Splitz Grill for Veggie Burgers
2:35 PM Free Yam Fry upgrade and extra Garlic Aioli for good luck- not that we need any more.
3:20 PM Sprint away from baby bear whose mother is close by and hungry.
6:00 PM Free Gelato for arriving at the last scoop of the day
8:30 PM Nacho’s and beer at Cicca’s
10:30 PM Free cover to Buffalo Bills for having “beautiful smiles” (AKA nice asses)
11:30 PM Random appearance by Marta’s long lost Cambie lover. Gives us both a leg rub under the table, resulting in severe call outs on his lack of game.
12:30 AM Penis flashes from Kiwis confirm the debate to call it a night
8:00 AM Thumbs come through for a Secret Shopper from Toronto searching for the same adventure in Van – We can only wish her some of our luck.

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