The Dry Season is a gorgeously written contemplation on relationships, sexuality, celibacy, and solitude. After a catastrophic relationship, Melissa Febos decided to take a break. For three months, she would abstain from relationships, dating, and sex. Her friends made fun of her for the length of her self-imposed celibacy, but for Febos, who had been in some relationship or another for as long as she could remember, these three months would give her time where she could focus on herself, and examine the patterns that led her here. 

Febos is the nationally bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—which won the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism, and Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative. In The Dry Season, with her trademark combination of candor and vulnerability, Febos shares her experiences during what turned out to be a year of celibacy. As she invites readers into her life and her journey of self-discovery, she goes through what ends up becoming the most fulfilling and sensuous year of her life.

 Artful and immersive, Febos has mastered the art of memoir writing, and with each new book, she produces something even more masterful and gorgeous.  We were so thrilled to be able to speak with her about her most recent book The Dry Season.

Can you tell us what inspired you to write The Dry Season?

Like most of my personal nonfiction, I did not intend to write about spending a year celibate—it was something I chose to do because my life fell apart and I knew it had something to do with my patterns in love. While I spent that time alone, I started reading about voluntarily celibate women throughout history and found a brilliant lineage of folks to which I wanted to belong. 

Sometimes I hear folks say that “people don’t change” and nothing could be farther from the truth. I undertook the project of changing the choices I made in love, my ideals, my role models, my whole belief system around romance, and while it was not easy, it was certainly possible. One of the reasons I wrote the book was that I wanted to offer that proof to others.

The Dry Season explores pleasure, where we seek it, and when it feels like it is becoming a problem. In our current “treat-based economy,” and in a time where it feels like the world is on fire around us, do you have any advice for readers who are constantly seeking pleasure(s), but are worried it’s becoming more of a dependency?

I’ve been dependent on so many things: candy, drugs, people, exercise—things you wouldn’t even consider candidates for dependency—and the realization I always have after I give them up is about the lie that always lurks behind that kind of attachment. Every time, I believed that I needed that thing to feel good, to be happy, to function, and it was the opposite: when I let it go, I realized that it was keeping my life small. It’s a beautiful kind of humbling, to realize again and again, that I don’t know what I need, or where freedom lies. But I have never regretted choosing to set down something I felt powerless over. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
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As a memoirist, I imagine you have to be quite self aware, since you spend so much time sharing your own story. However, do you ever find that you surprise yourself, or learn something new about yourself in your work? 

The funny thing is that by nature I am actually quite avoidant. I would rather not feel anything, or know the truth about myself. I would prefer to just watch TV and eat candy and be dissociated. But the truer part of me knows that self-awareness, and awakeness, is what makes life mean something. Writing is actually my best means of cultivating awareness. I don’t think of it as a pastime or a profession so much as a survival mechanism, a holistic practice that brings me closer to myself, and therefore the rest of the world. 

What does your typical writing process look like? How has it changed over the course of your writing career?

When I was younger, I learned to eschew the preciousness of my own practice — I like to write a lot, and so I couldn’t wait until I had hours of time; I learned to be able to write anywhere—on trains and planes, in parking lots, in the stolen minutes between classes. Now, I have the luxury of more time and space, but I am pretty circumscribed in my process. 

Body Work is one of my favourite books. Among other things, it’s full of writing advice for memoirists. Do you have any advice for someone looking to write their own memoir?

Beware of the voice inside that tells you that you shouldn’t, that it’s self-absorbed and uninteresting. That may not be your own voice, but another that you’ve internalized. Ask yourself who benefits from your silence.

There’s a scene in The Dry Season where you talk about the abundance of love songs on the radio, and in popular culture, and I’m sure our readers are curious… What’s your favourite song about love, and why?

Oh, I could never choose! I am a music obsessive and always have been. Historically, I love soul music, which is frequently about love and contains the desperate quality I love in a love song. I grew up listening to a lot of Otis Redding and Aretha Franklin, and I loved Motown. Lately, I’ve been listening to Lucy Dacus’s new album, Forever is a Feeling, which is all love songs. Gorgeous album.

What is something you hope readers can take away from The Dry Season?

I always hope that readers come away from my work feeling less alone. I also hope it makes them laugh! I have always been pretty serious in my work and in this book, there was more room to bring in my sense of humor, which was really fun. I wanted to write a fun book about celibacy, and I think I succeeded. You’ll have to tell me. 

The Dry Season is out now. Get your copy at your local bookstore.

Please note that this interview has been edited for length and clarity.

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Ameema Saeed (@ameemabackwards) is a storyteller, a Capricorn, an avid bookworm, and a curator of very specific playlists and customized book recommendations. She’s a book reviewer, a Sensitivity Reader, a book buyer at Indigo Books & Music, and the Books Editor for She Does the City, where she writes and curates bookish content, and book recommendations. She enjoys bad puns, good food, dancing, and talking about feelings. She writes about books, big feelings, unruly bodies, and her lived experiences, and hopes to write your next favourite book one day. When she’s not reading books, she likes to talk about books (especially diverse books, and books by diverse authors) on her bookstagram: @ReadWithMeemz