I have a hard time congratulating myself for my successes. Whether it be something small, like getting up early in order to give myself enough time to have a leisurely morning before going to work, or achieving a significant life goal (like getting up early in order to give myself enough time to have a leisurely morning before going to work), it is not in my nature to celebrate triumph. I was raised on the idea that “you’re only as good as your NEXT success,” and therefore the time spent acknowledging that I have accomplished something and moving on to setting another goal is almost none. In an effort to enjoy life a little more (a revelatory concept!), I have devised a list of ways to celebrate victories more effectively in the future. If you, like me, have a hard time relishing in your successes, follow along. We’re broken people and we’re going to fix ourselves today.

1. Smile until it becomes creepy
I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of scientific correlation between how much you smile and … um… endorphins? Anyway, smiling until it becomes creepy is a great way to inform your body that you are happy to have met your goals. Tweeting about how much you’re smiling also has a scientific effect on your body, I’m pretty sure.

2. Casually high five strangers
This classically celebratory action is regularly employed by athletes, businessmen, and laypeople alike. Put yo’ hand in the air and wait for the sweet kiss of another palm to confirm that you’re a success!

3. Spend a lot of money on things you don’t need.
Have your eye on a Seadoo? I doo. We’ve earned it!

4. Scream.
You heard me: scream like it’s 1999 and you just got through to your favourite radio station and they let you request a song. Then blast Vitamin C’s “Graduation” and get down to it.

5. Embellish.
If you don’t feel confident in what you’ve just accomplished, make up details about it that you WOULD be proud of. If you can dream it (and lie about it) then you can feel satisfied with yourself for it. Well done on that Nobel Prize!!!

6. Start saying things like, “Don’t you know who I am?”
When someone asks the above, it means they are somebody super important (and kind of a dick). You may feel more like a dick and less like an important person at first, but as your ego expands with each achievement, there will be no more room for that kind of self-reflection. Asking a rhetorical question that implies one is superior to whomever he or she is speaking is a surefire way to let everyone know that you celebrate your successes on the reg.

7. Wolf of Wall Street.
If using a stranger’s body as an inanimate object off of which to consume narcotics is the wrong way to celebrate, then I guess we just don’t want to be right. Right?

Celebrating achievements is not easy. The fear that one may end up resting on his or her laurels for too long is a significant deterrent from celebration for many of us. However, once you get into the habit of giving yourself the accolades you have earned, you will find that enjoying achievements will feel less uncomfortable. It might even feel nice! Maybe. My new life’s goal is to successfully revel in success. Personally, I have not yet made it to Step 7, but I believe with a couple of high fives and big purchases, I could be well on my way to becoming the narcissistic Jordana Belfort I know I can be. Don’t you know who I am?