HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VIRGIN MOBILE!  You’re celebrating 10 Years of Great Service. Zero Years of Lip Service. You know we like it everyday…great service that is. (Well, and other things.) And you give it. Big V, you give it good. Hour after hour. Day after day. Year after year. (Oh, baby…keep it coming.) So, while we don’t usually sing H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y to wireless companies (this is definitely a first) we will gladly blow up 99 red balloons, pop some champers and shake it in the name of great customer service, or shall we say “Members Service”. (Yep, at Virgin, you’re a Member. Take a peek inside the lounge.)

THE RULES OF CUSTOMER SERVICE

And because they go above and beyond the call of duty, Virgin Mobile Canada recently surveyed Canadians to find out exactly what they want, when it comes to customer service. It’s not surprising that 70 %of Canadians say not being able to speak to an actual person is their biggest customer service turn-off, followed by an issue not being resolved (69%) and rude responses (68%). And if a company must use a robot voice (ugh), than at least make the service representative sound like Morgan Freeman or Taylor Swift. (That’s what Canadians want; Virgin Mobile Canada did the research! We vote Swifty, FYI.)

So, although this should be basic elementary school stuff, let’s take a minute to review the rules of great customer service:

1. SPEAK TO A HUMAN BEING (Seriously, is this so hard?)

2. BE POLITE AND LISTEN

3. BE HELPFUL AND DO YOUR BEST TO SOLVE A PROBLEM, AND WHEN WE SAY “BEST” WE DON’T MEAN 3 TRANSFERS TO DIFFERENT DEPARTMENTS ONLY TO FINALLY GET TO THE RIGHT PERSON WHO THEN IS COMPLETELY CONDESCENDING OR OUTRIGHT RUDE.

4. AGAIN, BE POLITE AND LISTEN (See how easy this is?)

5. IF YOU CAN DO STEPS 1-4, THEN PUSH YOURSELF AND GO BEYOND POLITE AND BE FRIENDLY. WHAT A NOVEL IDEA.

ALL CAPS EVERYTHING BECAUSE EVEN TYPING ABOUT CRAP CUSTOMER SERVICE IS MAKING ME RAGEY!!

Deep breaths. Pranayama nostril breathing. Deep breaths. Wine. Okay, we’ve calming down. In this actual moment, nothing bad is happening. Sorry, it was just all the bad memories, from past experience with other companies, which nearly caused a total meltdown.

So for real: BIG CONGRATS on 10 years of great service!

Your Members know it and the powers that be that just awarded you the  J.D. Power 2015 award for “Highest Ranked Purchase Experience Among Wireless Providers” know it. (Not bad V. Not bad.) So keep doing you, it’s working.