Hello and welcome back to this here column. It exists to celebrate things that maybe don’t seem like that big a deal but which are, if you think about it, a really freaking big deal. Under-appreciated, quietly great things. Its goal is to celebrate the mundane and the extraordinary that we interact with every day—the things that make me really and truly and non-ironically feel HASHTAG BLESSED. Do not be afraid of sincerity, people. Let’s dive in.

I haven’t had working wireless internet at home for a few days. It’s felt like living in Soviet Russia. I know this is hyperbole. It wasn’t even that bad, because it’s 20-damn-13 and there’s high quality, free wireless Internet almost everywhere. But good god if I didn’t miss having all that sweet sweet… net… space…? the second I needed it. 

The Internet is incredible. It’s unimaginably vast and somehow “wireless” and I said that thing about netspace up there because, if we’re being candid, I have absolutely no idea how it functions. Remember when that politician thought the Internet was a “series of tubes” and everyone was all, “ha, ha, hashtag BOZO!”? I laughed along with everyone else but in my head I quietly thought “…maybe.” Like, it could really be tubes for all I know. When your computer runs that little loading bar across the bottom to tell you what it’s up to, do you have any idea what it’s talking about? “Connecting to wireless network.” Sure! “Initializing… internet functions.” Okay. “Connecting some tubes together under the ocean.” Honestly, maybe. 

But here’s the thing that’s so great about it. I don’t even really have to know. I should know, and honestly two seconds ON THE INTERNET ITSELF would probably teach me the basics about it in minutes, but really it’s so well-designed and intuitive that even this dumbo can use it. I love the Internet like my mom’s dog loves treats: I don’t know where it comes from but it greatly enriches my life. And yet when it doesn’t work, I’m crustier than a piece of French bread, ie. deeply crusty. 

We’ve heard Louis CK on this, right? We know we all need to calm down and appreciate the technology we use every day. It’s smarter than us and we need it to live, and we get it at a fairly reasonable price every hour of every day (depending on our service providers I guess but honestly let’s not bring Roger’s into this) (let’s not bring Roger’s into anything.) and if we stopped to smell the cat videos every once in a while, that would not be the worst thing in the world. Luv u, internet. Sorry I yelled at you and defintely sorry for throwing that cable on the ground like a petulant teen. As an actual petulant teen I had DIAL-UP. I know how it could be. You’re are an Iglesias-level hero, and I’m grateful for your (web) presence every day. #blessed