Q: Why do people want me now that I’m in a relationship? Even people I wanted to date who weren’t into me are flirting with me now!
A: It’s no secret: people in happy relationships full of amazing intimacy and open communication are, well, happy.
The simplicity of feeling happiness and love has monumental impact on the energy you put out into the world, how you communicate (verbally and non-verbally) and how others perceive you. While it’s not too uncommon to find that people underestimate the power of one’s body language, energy and actions, the truth is this your emotions and well-being impacts everything about you — even what you aren’t saying.
So how does this help you if you’re single? Well, let’s take a look at the top three reasons people in flourishing relationships exude sex appeal.
1. They’ve aced communication
People who are acing their relationships have pretty much mastered the art of listening and responding with their partner. This is something we easily take for granted. It’s not too hard to fall for someone who listens to you talk and responds in a way that not only indicates they were listening, but attributes value to what you’re saying.
People in functional relationships have also mastered constructive ways to discuss issues with their partner, are committed to maintaining open communication and are prepared to weather the storm in difficult life situations.
How to hack this:
- Don’t date people who bore you. This is a non-negotiable! If you’re doing this: the world is much larger than you realize and it’s worth seeking and dating other peeps who light your fire!🔥
- In reality, many of us aren’t great multi-taskers, so put your smart devices away! You’re also undervaluing the person you’re dating if you’re constantly checking your phone or half-listening to what they’re saying. It’s pretty simple: if you want intimacy in your life, invest your time and effort into all forms of intimacy, including verbal intimacy. Putting down your phone during meals/one-on-one time could prove to be a huge dating advantage and relationship saver!
- Meditation helps a LOT with concentration and focus. Adding 15-20 minutes of mindfulness (silent) meditation to your day is a mental challenge and is transformative. If it’s hard, you’re doing it right!
2. They don’t care if you’re into them.
People in relationships aren’t invested in your emotions or your opinions of them. Even if someone’s in an open relationship and interested in you, they STILL won’t be hell-bent on caring what you think. This also means they aren’t going to engage in any of the odd dating tactics we commonly see, including (but definitely not limited to) giving you the cold shoulder to get you to “like them” or appearing clingy/easy to please.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had amazing, engaging conversations with men in satisfying relationships because they didn’t have their defenses up and were simply able to talk to me about whatever they wanted without worrying if I’ll think they’re “weird,” “awkward” or “hot.” This totally made for more comfortable conversations where I could ‘see’ them because their personalities shine through! This, of course, applies to women who are happy in their relationships as well!
How to hack this:
- Self-development, self-development, self-development! This will look different for everyone since it relies on what you need to feel sexier, more comfortable in your skin and more you. Feeling comfortable with yourself relies on satisfying yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually/intimately. It’s also how well you trust your own intuition and instincts.
- Here’s a video that’s great for starting you off on your journey into deeper self-exploration:
3. They know how to care for another human being. They also don’t quit.
This totally skirts into #1 – a lifelong commitment to developing love, consideration for others and determination are sexy AF!
How to hack this:
There are many ways to learn how to care for others and how to assess the needs of others without getting invested in a payout or expected results. A part of this revolves around understanding healthy boundaries, and also how you address your own needs. This means self-exploration and self-care.
Aside from leading yourself into internal long-term happiness and organic self-confidence, there are other ways to not only help others but also gain interesting, helpful insight:
- Volunteer on a regular basis to a cause that personally impacts you.
- Volunteer on a regular basis to a cause that doesn’t personally impact you.
- Talk to people you know that don’t talk all that often, as they may open up and surprise you!
- Go solo to events/mixers and talk to strangers.
- Find a nice way to thank someone who did something for you no matter how small it may seem – even if it’s saying, “Thanks,” or sending a card also goes a long way.
- Speak to the older people you know. Great topic: Ask them about the pre-Internet era! Or how they fell in love with their partner if they have/had one. That’s some wild stuff!
- Find something nice to say (even if it’s in your mind) about someone who’s pissed you off. You never really know the battles people are fighting and, oftentimes, the people we are most triggered by could have a great deal in common with us, including the things we want to better in ourselves.
- Improving the quality of your friendships definitely helps! More on this here:
Devika J. Singh is a Tantric sex and singles relationship coach. She puts out a new holistic sex+dating video weekly – subscribe to her YouTube Channel here. Got a love/sex question or want her to cover a topic for you? Email her.