Make as much noise as possible. Especially during times when everyone’s trying to sleep. We’re talking early mornings, late nights. Just be an overwhelming presence, generally. Ruffle through your bag, turn on the lights and spray strong perfume. It’s a surefire way to earn the respect and appreciation of everyone around you.

Leave your stuff everywhere. Take up every wall hook, toss your wet beach clothes on someone else’s bed and forget about them for a few hours. Trek muddy shoes and sandy towels through the middle of the dorm. Be as messy as you possibly can.

If there’s only one mirror in your room, monopolize it. Sure, there’s a bathroom with great lighting, outlets and tons of counter space right beside your dorm, but it’s better this way. It’s not like anyone else would like to see their outfit full-length or anything.

Have intense, personal Skype calls at all times of day. Air out your dirty laundry and speak loudly so everyone knows all about how much you miss your boyfriend and when he does that thing with his hands. Better yet, if you’re feeling lonely, invite someone to your bed for the night and be as conspicuous as possible.

Play your horrible music really loudly. Because who needs headphones when you’re sharing a room with seven other people? It doesn’t matter what time of day it is—1am, 3pm—, keep it blasting. Hey, maybe everyone else in the room is a diehard Pitbull fan like you! That’ll give you something to bond over.

Get really drunk in the room every night. Play drinking games and leave half-full glasses of alcohol everywhere until the next day. Maybe spill a drink or two, allowing sticky, pungent spots to litter the floor and tables until someone unknowingly steps on them.

Most importantly: be entirely impersonal and difficult to read. If someone tries to engage in conversation with you, stare blankly. Look completely disinterested in the conversations happening around you. Look unimpressed with every story shared by a fellow roomie.

So, there you have it. All the advice you need to make some lasting friendships while staying in hostels. If none of the above works, shrug your shoulders and pat yourself on the back. You really gave it your all, you just happened to have horrible hostel mates.