I spent most of November sleeping and eating bread.
It was not the best choice, fitness-wise, or tending-to-my-anemia-wise, but the grey weather and cold, wet world outside my window was not calling to me, and my bed/bread box just WAS, so here we are. As a result, I’ve gained about 5 or 6 pounds, a little extra weight I carry in all the same places it usually goes, and spread out pretty evenly, it seems to me. It’s not like my left leg is hoisting a bunch of extra heft around solo in some kind of bag (sorry), there’s just a lil extra jiggle in my wiggle, butt-wise. And chest-wise, and face-wise. Like I said, it’s pretty evenly spread. Here’s why it’s great:
1) I have effectively prepared for winter like bears do, by gaining weight and getting sleepy. Basically just waiting for a child to come teach me the meaning of Christmas and we are in full-on Coke commercial territory. Have used this bear thing as an excuse not to shave my legs that much either. May adopt “hibernation prep” as my annual winter steez going forward.
2) My boobs are doing some pretty great work.
3) An extra pound a day keeps the douchebags away. While for me it’s the difference between a tight size 10 or a loose 12, for a backwards baseball hat I don’t want to talk to, this shift of the scales appears to be the difference between “bro, I’m gonna go bother this stranger” and “no way, fattay” which, lol, dude, sure, and also YES PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. Turns out a mere 2.5 kilograms is all it takes to form a protective shield wherein only the kinds of guys I’d actually like to flirt with me do so. No problems here.
4) Comfy butt on hard chairs. ‘Nuff said.
5) I straight up do not care about it. Guys! I feel like an adult. I’m a bit chunkier than I normally am and it’s just F-I-N-E. You know why? Because parties. And friends. And working and reading and cheese trays and the literal millions of things that I’m more interested in focusing on than the aforementioned jig in my wig. Time was I’d have gone into crash-diet mode, desperately trying to drop 10 quick pounds before Christmas and, god help us, New Year’s. Now? Fuggedaboudit. Do I hope the extra weight will sort of… see itself out once I’m not napping with a loaf of rye next to my pillow? Sure. Am I going to consider it at all while tucking into my aunt’s Christmas turkey? Or my Dad’s shortbread? Or my boyfriend’s family’s gluten-free tofu something-or-others? Or Friendsmas Eve draaanks? (I have so many goddamn Christmases to go to, you guys) Jingle HELL NO. I am popping on a nice dress and some control top tights and moving on with my life because of course I am.
Feelin’ free. Feelin’ alive. Feelin’ chunky like a winter stew. Feelin’ #blessed.
Follow Monica on twitter: @monicaheisey