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Pink Tartan – Joe Fresh and the unexpected Gospel Choir Love-in

Photos by Kathryn Carlsen

Pink Tartan = lots of pink! Who knew?

Dear Mattel:
We think Kimberley Newport-Mimran would have made a better designer for Barbie. Just a guess, but we think she’s had more experience with Barbie’s fickle taste than David Dixon.

Without a doubt the fifty year old birthday girl would look good in Pink Tartan, but how ‘bout us regular Toronto girls? Do we want to salaciously strut in those killer pink tights with naughty black lace? Giddy up and walk the line! As for everything else? Yeah, we could pop the room pink with that high waisted skirt and hit Scaramouche in a pale pink high collar, but on the whole there wasn’t much ooooh and ahhhh. The dresses were a throw back to semi-formals in Grad 10 – simple, feminine and conservative; best worn by Yonge and St. Clair dwellers and even better if they belong to the ROM Young Patrons Circle.

In the fall, her Spring/Summer collection was Mad Men themed, which got us very excited. Although practical, energy lacked for fall/winter ’09, perhaps the prom-feel was tainted by bad memories of breakfast parties gone wrong with petulant assholes from UCC? We’d rather pretend to be Betty on the shrink couch with a smooth ciggy in our hand.

Show ended, we clapped and Newport-Mimran got a huge smooch from hubby Mr. Joe Fresh.

All ready to make a run for the bar – we were instructed to say seated…so we all got up and walked to the nearest server carrying a tray of beer. Editors chatted up editors, Michael King and uber tanned beau canoodled, the man from Vogue New York yawned and some drunk guy said he was so happy to have met us the day before:

”I think you’re mistaken.”
“NOPE.”
”I don’t recall”
“Well, I had a few drinks but you did give me your card.”
”Let’s see that card.”

Of course he pulled out the wrong card, then spilled his beer, then asked for our card…..PISS OFF!

Catwalk hob-snobbery was interrupted: “Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats”

Funny how the clothing that you purchase at the supermarket is the most anticipated show.

Model one walked out, and she was apparently famous because her Punky Brewster smirk to the photog pit made the crowd go wild.

We whispered to the writer on our left:

”Who’s that?”
“I don’t know. Regretfully, I’m not up on my models as I should be.”
”We won’t fault you on that”

First impressions? Take Where’s Waldo, mix him with a Gossip Girl and throw in a baby one-piece sleeper AND THEN inflate 50% with bubble wrap. This means – WE LOVED! (Post show we discovered ‘it’ girl was Montreal supermodel/ex-fiancée to Libertine’s Pete Doherty. Looks like we need more HELLO! time to improve our trivia in British scandal.)

The puffy coat is a signature Canadian design, so why not turn it into a skirt? As Pink Mafia says, “Knee socks beat cleavage every time” and so Joe Fresh Fall ’09 is all about knee socks paired with conservative pleated skirts (which really scream HOT LIBRARY SEX!).

A specifically interesting piece was the one piece wooly…a sweater that appears like long johns and keeps you snuggie head to toe. Perhaps Joe Mimran had also reached his limit with the ridiculousness that is the blanket.

We’d love it if the warm one piece became a trend. Topped with a pom-pom hat and snow boots, handling the yams at Loblaw has never been so stylish! Further, one pieces just make life easier – that is until you get caught in a washroom flashing your tits while texting…whoops – it happens more than you think.

As for the Where’s Waldo reference – throw that mad red and white cap in the wash with some black die and you’ve got the accessory to top off your chic winter look. Pair this with a tubular scarf that O’s around your neck thrice, and you ARE thrifty Canadian cool.

Show ends, and we see another kiss between style King and Queen. If only we could all be good looking power couples who make millions…sigh.

Ready to leave – WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING? The whatchyamacallit booms again “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats.” Sit your ass back down!

Jeanne Beker runs down the laneway…we think it could have been more dramatic if she had high fived the crowd…but anyway – Beker takes the mic to toast a decade full of fashion and home-grown talent. Guess we read the body language incorrectly during fall fashion week because what appeared to be throttling and choking motions directed at Kay must have been sentiments of love. Regardless, an enthusiastic intro to tenderize the crowd AND CUE TO VIDEO!

It was a playful montage hallmarking FDCC’s ten years of fashion week. The reel showed all but one face of Robin Kay and lots of bold F-you moves on the runway. Fashion, it’s so F*CK YEAH!

BUT WAIT….that’s not all!

Enter Marvin Gaye impersonator and watch as ‘Big Chill’ sweeps over room. Soul man began to sing “What’s Going On”…to which the faces of the crowd read..ummm, what’s going on? At any other Toronto event the audience would have moved, danced, and knocked hips – not this one.

We sort of bounced our bum in synch with Jian Gomeshi’s shoulder bobs.

Singing man finished and the crowd exhaled, “Great. Now let’s get the hell out of here”.

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!

That famous British salute resounded and an enormous gospel choir walks out blaring The Beatles hit “LOVE LOVE LOVE….all you need is love!”

Apparently this crowd needs more love than any. Finally after a minute or so, the fashion elite began to loosen up. (It was totally fucking awkward to watch)

So while Kay tried to motion everyone to shimmy down in one big fashion love-in………..anhhhhhhhh, it didn’t work (we really wish it had). Fashion conga line? THE BEST! One girl stood up to clap. Good for you!

Recession? Cash-shmash! Next time we go to Holts and carry an armful of Greta Constantine and Andy The Anh gowns to the cashier and the bill comes to $1400, just tap them softly and sing out “All you need is love!”

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