Words and Photos By Becca Lemire

What is there to do in Toronto when one doesn’t have the schedule allowances, or more importantly the financial allowance, to go on a vacation for spring break/march break/Easter weekend/ whatever? No all inclusive resort this time, no flight, no beach, no drinking rum out of a coconut bought for one dollar from the toughest old man alive? And where does one go in Toronto when it is your boyfriend’s and his best friend/roommate’s birthday all in one weekend!?! Well, let me tell you where one goes. One goes to Ports, an authentic Portuguese Karaoke bar nestled in between several hyped hipster hangouts and just a microphone’s throw away from the infamous Ossington Strip.  This is exactly what I did last Friday night, with our own She Does The City’s  Jen McNeely by my side.

Located at 1179 Dundas, just west of Ossington (I’m going to regret telling you that), Ports is the place my closest friends and I have been going to for about the last 5 years when  we’ve wanted to let loose, get messy, scream our hearts out to their amazingly large selection of both English and Portuguese songs, and forget  about the shit-storm that is our lives. Recently, it’s been a little more crowded than usual, and it seems like word is starting to spread amongst the younger crowds. This scares us, so please don’t go there. I don’t want to see you there, and yes, I mean You. Stay away. Stay far, far away. You don’t want their deep fried pork rinds and pickled lima beans anyways  and you definitely don’t want to be hit on by that bar-fly guy in the black cowboy hat who will try to slow dance without any sort of verbal agreement beforehand.

Like always, We did our best to get there early on Friday. Well, as early as humanly possible when you’re trying to get at least 5 semi-drunk friends out the door. If we’re lucky, we usually end up singing our first songs around 11:30. At around 1:30, some people from other bars wander over, but the locals are there from the beginning, baby. They probably go there for dinner after work and then just stay the night.  And yes, Ports serves dinner, something I have yet to experience. The tables have an elaborate metal hanging system that is apparently used for a pig, and on their Yellow Pages listing it states “Toronto`s Best Shishkabob 18 inch All Beef”.

On this fateful night of Friday, April 9th, the Portuguese Karaoke God must have been shining down on us because there was an actual Karaoke Competition being thrown by Radio Popular.  It was extra crowded and extra festive, full of fun-loving people to celebrate the double whammy of birthdays we brought to the place. Special thanks to Liza who brought gold party hats and a crown for the birthday boy, her bf. My bf left early because his Colt 45 prime struck at around 4:45pm, but that’s another story…

Below is a photographic journey through the best Friday night ever, the night that tricked me into thinking, if only for a second, that I was going to wake up wearing a crushed gold party hat, with the sound of ocean waves, smelling of coconuts and with sand in my butt. The best way to go on a low budget mini-vacation, the best way to ring in Spring, the best way to celebrate birthdays, and the best way to do Karaoke, in my opinion, is at Ports: our fave bar (but not yours).

Someone missed his turn at karaoke because he was in the bathroom and someone isn’t happy about it…Ok Mr. Frowny Pants, you’ll get your turn…

Not digging the Karaoke scene, or simply need a break? Have no fear! Ports provides several tasty VLT (Video Lottery Terminal) machines for your recreational-gambling pleasure. Check out the birthday boy getting his lottery on.

1st-timers, living la vida Ports at around 2am

Picking out songs can take quite awhile, as they have practically every song in the universe, in random non-alphabetical order.

I think it was the Portuguese didgeridoo that really made me feel like I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.

Everyone got in on the last song of the night (Smashmouth’s You Might as Well be Walking on the Sun) and it was glorious

Jen McNeely, AGO to Ports in 24 hours. What an impeccable woman about town!!

I think this one explains itself.

This guy was on key! Oh, the passion…

They picked Metallica, of course.