Dear Jennifer,
I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together for over 2 years. I love him a lot but he drives me crazy. I get frustrated and we bicker a lot. We’ve never tried living or traveling together, but I feel like these things would be a disaster. If I love him but don’t know that we could ever make it work living together or getting married, how much time is it worth investing in this relationship? Is it better to quit while we’re ahead?
-Love on the Rocks

Thanks for your question… it’s a tough one. On the one hand, you love the guy, and on the other, it sounds like it is headed for disaster. When is it time to draw the line and pull the plug? It’s hard knowing when to call it quits. I love the fact that you are evaluating and questioning your relationship. It is important to do this to make sure you are feeling fulfilled, and discover whether or not you are in the right relationship for you.

From the sounds of what you have written to me, it appears you are anticipating a distrastrous future if you stay with this guy. Most of what you say sounds like there is not much worth salvaging besides the fact that you love him. However, because I don’t know the exact details or history of your relationship and have only read this short description, I am going to offer you some food for thought and questions to help you make your decision.

Sometimes, when things aren’t going as planned, we often begin to focus on all the negative aspects of the relationship and then it spirals downward to a point of no return. Is this the case for you? Are you looking for all that is wrong with the relationship? How long have you been unhappy for? Do you spend more time criticizing the relationship rather than looking at all that is right or good about it? Do you think it can be turned around? Are you willing to turn it around? Or is it pretty much over in your mind? This is something you might want to take a look at.

Does your boyfriend have behaviours that you find intolerable? Trying to tolerate the intolerable is a recipe for disaster and will empty your self-esteem. Can you live with the things that frustrate and drive you crazy about him? Remember you can’t change anyone. The only person that you can change is yourself. Given this, are you comfortable staying with him?

How is your communication with your partner? Have you discussed this with him? Sometimes constant arguing and bickering can be a sign that needs are not being met and direct communication is lacking. Are you hearing each other’s needs and what you are saying to one another? I can’t stress enough how important communication is. Often what we are most afraid of discussing makes us closer and builds our relationship deeper and stronger. Effective communication can potentially better your relationship or at the very least it will better indicate whether it’s worth staying or if it is time to leave.

Visualize the Future: Imagine being with your boyfriend 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50 years down the road. What does your life look like? Do you feel inspired? Do you feel like you are growing together and does he add to your life? Or do you feel dragged down? Ask yourself where this relationship is headed and if it is headed in the direction you want it to be. Think about your dreams and aspirations and his, can you see yourself living both? Do you see each other inspiring and supporting one another in the future? Who would you be and how would you feel with him and who would you be and how would you feel without him?

Remember not all relationships are meant for the long haul. We often have to date different individuals to find out what we really want in a relationship. Are you prepared to invest your time in a relationship with this guy? If your bickering and frustration towards him and the way he drives you crazy, outweighs the fun, joy and love … then move on. There is no sense in wasting time and staying stuck in a relationship that isn’t progressing or adding to your life. If this isn’t the case, then learn to communicate with one another and seek some help. This is a two way street and you both must be open and willing to work on your relationship. Be realistic and honest with each other. Good luck and whatever happens know it is always for your highest good!