Mandarin has a cool limited time Celebrate Canada menu on right now, and they invited some of our writers down to check it out. The possibility of egg rolls and poutine side by side at last was too much to resist, so we sent Jess, Ann, Anne, and Ali to gorge themselves and report back. Here are their notes from the field.

ANNE T. DONAHUE, MISS CONGENIALITY

Unexpected surprise: My ability to eat shrimp even when I was too full. Also: “Sugar pie,” which was basically melted maple fudge on crust. Also known as: what I want to buried in when I die.
Best dish (food): I can’t eat dairy because life is hard, so I couldn’t feast on poutine as one would hope. But look: not only will I eat crab legs, I’ll eat the crab legs of everyone you know.
Best dish (story/gossip): I hear Anne T. Donahue always has Immodium with her. And I know that because I’m Anne T. Donahue and I told everyone in case they ate too much.
Finest moment: The gathering of boss-ass bitches.

JESS BEAULIEU, BEST CHEEKBONES/CHOPSTICKS COMBO

Unexpected Surprise: They give you a hot towel at the beginning AND the end of the meal now. It used to be only at the end. Also, when I ordered green tea they brought me a whole exquisite wooden box of magical tea to choose from. I mean COME ON. This is luxury. Gimme a hot towel, a selection of tea, and call me Kate Middleton. I am ready to be PAMPERED, Mandarin.
Best Dish (food): I was super impressed that they had Bannock on the menu, which is a traditional Aboriginal food. As a Metis gal myself I have had my fair share of Bannock and it wasn’t half bad! Not totally authentic but A+++ for effort. It was straight out of a “Canadian Heritage Minute.”
Best Dish (gossip): Found out that a pack of squirrels are eating Ali Wylie’s votive candles in her backyard and making quite a mess. Ann Pornel is actively stalking a plate of sexual chocolate covered strawberries. Anne Donahue almost got into a full out fight once with a heinous girl in high school named “Sarah” but then didn’t ’cause she’s cray mature. And I apparently can’t remember the name of a woman I kind of know who Ali and I ran into on a streetcar once and I spent most of the dinner on Facebook attempting to unsuccessfully identify her. TALK ABOUT A STEAMY UNSOLVED MYSTERY.
Finest Moment: The look of pure joy on Ali’s face when she was handed her Mandarin passport.

ANN PORNEL, MOST GLAMOUROUS CRAB CONSUMPTION

Unexpected Surprise: That there is no such thing as “enough” Torpedo Shrimp and crab legs.
Best Dish (food): The chocolate covered strawberries, of which I ate 7 of in one round and immediately felt sick—sick with joy and euphoria.
Best Dish (gossip): One of us had a date afterwards! I’m not spilling the beans though because what happens at Mandarin, stays at Mandarin.
Finest Moment: Seeing a little boy completely face-plant after running around for way too long, then watching him roll over to his side, grabbing his wiener, and IMMEDIATELY start crying.

ALI WYLIE, BIGGEST FAN-DARIN

Biggest Surprise: “Loaded potato skins”, on their own but also advertised as a traditional Canadian dish? OH, CANADA.
Best dish (food): I had two servings on wonton soup so probably that. You can add mods to it (green onions, soy sauce), so it’s nice to take ownership.
Best dish: Jess telling us how she asked a dude out! Or the little Italian girl who was done up in full child formalwear, carrying her tiny plastic purse back and forth to the buffet all night.
Finest moment: MACKING ON MY FAVE, MAPLE WALNUT ICE CREAM!!

So there you have it folks. We live by the Mandarin, we die by the Mandarin. The only thing SDTC writers love more than each other is unlimited food and vaguely traditional Canadian cuisine alongside classic buffet faves. Sisterhood, you know? You can assemble your own girl gang and taste the Celebrate Canada menu until the end of July.