You’re a grown-ass woman. You know that deadlines exist for a reason, and you know that your editor has been very good to you and you have no right whatsoever to just ignore a column you enjoy writing and agreed to do weekly just because the Edinburgh festival sucked all the energy out of your entire body and you want to sleep for days and days. … this is about you, of course, reader, although I’m sure this has happened to all of us at some point in our lives. We just will not stop going to the Edinburgh festival, all of us! Keep it together, collective we!

Okay, maybe we haven’t all been in the exact situation detailed above (maybe some of us made a net profit of more than £20 this August, but that’s another column), but chances are we have definitely all been guilty of slacking on responsibilities, or leaving things ’til the very last minute. There’s no good reason to procrastinate, especially as a grown up. In your undergraduate years, it’s not like you had anything extraordinarily pressing to do, but THESE DAYS (said in a cranky old coot voice, plz) it’s practically impossible to find time to see your friends and family while maintaining a regular shower schedule. The non-stop commitment train is choo-choo-ing onwards, and it’s just bad form to procrastinate, especially habitually. It’s the accomplishing-things equivalent to continually being late to brunch–Productivity has been a good friend to you in the past and she deserves not to have to wait alone surrounded by hip couples and fun old ladies sipping mimosas. Keep waffling and she’ll find someone else to have waffles with, capiche? Don’t worry, I think I can help. As long as you don’t put off reading this list until later! #ha #haha #hahahaniceonemon

Look ahead (to varying degrees)

What things are you most interested in accomplishing this week/month/year? If you can decide on long- and shorter-term goals, you will be able to chart your progress more effectively, which is important in whatever you’re trying to do (earn more, stop flirting with that guy you met on the internet because even though he’s kind of cute he’s DEFINITELY got some weird baggage you don’t want in on, lose weight, be a better sibling, etc. etc. etc.) because you’ll be able to see how far you’ve come/how far you need to go to get where you want to be. Try to do a few things every week that contribute to a few short-term, easily achievable goals or tasks (delete Kenny from gchat, continue going to the gym), and one thing towards something larger-scale (talk to your boss about your ambitions). 

Take note of what you’ve achieved 

If you complete a big project at work or finally get around to painting the attic (you have an attic, pretty cool of you), take Sunday off and do the whole “Day of Rest” thing. If it’s good enough for the Lord, it’s good enough for you, right? Pat yourself on the back and have some cookies or whatever. Chill out! You earned it. Celebrating big accomplishments will train you, puppy-style, to associate good, productive behaviour with a treat. Also, when you’re spending most of your time actively, you’ll start to appreciate your loaf time more, which is a plus. 

Two birds, one fit of productivity

Put yourself in an achieving state of mind by crossing a smaller to-do off your list as a break from a big project. Say, for instance, it was 3 am and you couldn’t go to bed until you finished your column despite a previously stated infant-like need to be in a constant state of sleep, you might take a break from that column to unpack a gross dirty suitcase full of Edinburgh-stained clothes. (Edinburgh stains look a lot like whiskey stains.) (There are whiskey stains on my clothes, WHY are you taking my advice?!)

Put a chalkboard surface in your home

Not only will your house look like tumblr sprang to life and made an organic raspberry compote that you can gift to people at your cat’s vintage wedding, but having a big, prominent place to keep big, important tasks on a to-do list has been pretty major for me, at least. Not having a list that’s posted up and looming over you (in a friendly way) is a real problem for me, and a moleskine (or some non-jerk notebook, w/e) is not a substitute, although also an agenda can also be very helpful. That being said…

Do not fall into the To-Do List Trap

Writing about doing something does not equal doing it. It’s not cute or funny that you write things on your to-do list that you’ve already done so that you can cross them off. You’re only fooling yourself! No one else is going to see that list, so you are literally looking your face in the face and lying to its face. Quit it. Write one list for the week and then do the things on the list. Simple!

Now go get’em, tiger. I believe in you! Call me for some celebratory manhattans after you paint the chalkboard wall of your kitchen! … that should be first on all of your weekly to-do lists now.

Follow Monica on twitter: @monicaheisey

~ Monica Heisey

Read more of Monica’s Grown-Ass Woman guides on your face, sneak-cercise saying no, twitter, talking about your body anxieties, hangover maintenance, vintage clothes, how to have a long-distance relationship, sounding smart at cocktail parties, and packing to disappear.