Toronto House Hunting 101

We’ve all been there: hopelessly digging through Craigslist ads and blasting our Facebook with “HELP ME FIND A HOME” please. It’s the first thing you think about when you wake up and the first thing you bring up on your Tinder date.

“You look nice,” he smiles.

“DO YOU KNOW ANYONE MOVING OUT OF A TWO BEDROOM?” you respond.

You rush out of work to go see an apartment the size of your hand and have so many phone numbers in your call history that you don’t even know which landlord you just made an appointment with.

It’s stressful and draining and the most discouraging thing ever because, let’s be honest, this city is full of crap apartments. So to save us all future headaches, let’s just point out a few things about house hunting in the 6 that we can all agree on:

“Cozy” = tiny as shit

Bring your bed, a couple of mugs and a toothbrush. Everything else is up for sale.

“Spacious” = a wee bit bigger

You can bring your dresser to this one and maybe even your bookshelf (if you get really creative).

“BEAUTIFUL HOME IN A BEAUTIFUL NEIGHBOURHOOD!” = North York

And North York = No thank you

“TONS OF STORAGE!”

You get your own closet AND there’s a cupboard over the washing machine. BOOM, BABY!

No pictures?

No way.

“Steps away from TTC, great restaurants and shopping!”

Because apparently the Dufferin mall is the shopping hot bed of the city. Next.

It sounds too good to be true?

It is.

It sounds too bad to be true?

It is.

“Perfect for students!”

Dirty. Gross. Never. But close to U of T.

Costs $1000 to live in a pit the size of your childhood bedroom?

Decent.

Costs $900 to live in the pit the size of your childhood bedroom?

THIS PLACE IS SO CHEAP AND PERFECT. After all, you’ve always been a fan of being cozy.

“You won’t see another offer like this!”

But you will. We all will. Because it’s the same story every time: weeding through the deceptive photos and thinking you’re seeing a goldmine that turns out to be a dump. Calling and emailing and mentally picturing where all of your shit is going to go. Crying to your financial advisor because every time you move you somehow need a million things and you JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

But in the end, you find a gem. ViewIt turned out to be a-ok, or perhaps your Tinder date pulled through. Regardless, you found a home. Moving will suck but then you’ll LIVE there and it will have all been worth it because as much as we all complain about the transit and the rent and the $9 pints and the HOV lanes, WE LOVE YOU TORONTO.

You just might be too good to be true.

4 Comments

  1. Fran
    July 13, 2015

    Is there a reason SDTC is okay with posting articles that mock people that choose to live somewhere other than where they’ve deemed cool enough? Why are you shitting on people that live in North York? Maybe they like it there, or maybe their current life situation makes it such that they can’t live elsewhere? Regardless, who the fuck are you to judge? And why, in the same article, shit on people living near Dufferin Mall? You know those are people, right? With jobs and families and lives? Maybe think for a second before mocking entire communities, many of which are made up of marginalized members of the city who have it hard enough without self-important writers reminding them they’re failing at life because they don’t live near Trinity Bellwoods.

  2. 209
    July 15, 2015

    @Fran The name of the website is “She Does the City”, not “She Does the Suburbs.” The author isn’t shitting on anyone, or judging anyone. But it’s a reality that some locations are more desirable that others.
    PS- I can’t seem to get this comment box off caps lock, so here’s hoping that it’ll look normal one I hit “post”.

  3. Fran
    July 15, 2015

    Yes, it’s called She Does the City, but people living in the suburbs read it too, so why take aim at them? Whether or not a location is desirable is completely contingent on an individual’s personal needs. If they need a place close to their work and they work on the outskirts of the city, then living closer to downtown is probably not desirable. If they’re a single parent trying to make ends meet and raise a family, then paying the exorbitant cost of trendier areas is also not desirable. Not everybody wants to live in the same area, and even if the author wasn’t purposely being judgmental, it still stems from the same idea it’s okay to mock a location, especially when these locations are the way they are because they’re not receiving the municipal or government funding they so desperately need. And they’re not receiving that help, in part, because of this ideology that they’re not “desirable,” so why bother? I’m sure the author didn’t have any ill intentions, but it would be worthwhile for everyone to take a second to think about how their words, actions and genuine belief that “certain locations are more desirable than others” to understand how detrimental that is to building community and instilling confidence in the younger members of our city. Everyone should be able to feel proud of their neighbourhood, proud of where they come from, if we’re ever to eradicate the wide class divide that exists in the city and the violence that stems from it.

  4. LeahRuehlicke
    July 21, 2015

    @Fran  Sincere apologies if this offended; not at all my intent. I was simply trying to poke fun and make light of the challenges of house hunting in the city. Obviously people live and work wherever makes sense for them and nowhere is “better” than anywhere else – and I was in no way trying to pass judgement on that. Simply trying to have fun with the fact that house hunting anywhere is a challenge. Sorry that this came out wrong 🙂

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