I’m always cold. It doesn’t matter if it’s a balmy 30+ degrees outside in the middle of August, I’m probably freezing. And once winter strikes, I’m known to carry a blanket around the house, like Linus. Not for the emotional security reasons (well, maybe a little) but because I’m so fucking cold ALL THE TIME. When we had that snowstorm a few weeks ago – in early NOVEMBER – I freaked out and refused to venture outside for, well, ever (OK, at least until April. Mid-April). Obviously hibernating from society for six months isn’t a good idea; that is, unless you’re a bear, and then that’s cute that you’re reading this.
Anyway. I’ve come up with some cozy tips to help us with the 24/7 handsicles and to stay warm all winter-long so we don’t have to forfeit our social life or dignity.
- Buy a Space Heater – Central heating is just not enough for us cold people who shiver like chihuahuas all day long. I bought mine at Home Depot for $40 and it’s the best investment I’ve made since my RRSPs three years ago. I also carry it room-to-room within the house wherever and whenever I need it.
- Layer It Up – I know. Layering seems useless because the cold comes from somewhere within us as if we’re all living our own personal “Snowpiercer” hell. However, undershirts do work! My neighbor recommended tanks from Aritizia to lock the heat inside (because, yes, apparently we do have body heat) and they work like a charm, but any other high-quality tank or tee will help warm your all-important core. Warning: With the amount of layering you’ll need to stay warm, you may end up looking like Joey on Friends when he wore six sweaters.
- Have a Hot Water Bottle or Magic Bag On Hand – There’s nothing worse than a cold toilet seat or the arctic spray of that morning shower. Your whole body goes into shock and screams; “Why do you hate me so much?” That’s why I like keeping my Magic Bag on hand. I pop it into the microwave and within two minutes, I have this warm bag of magic (it’s actually oatmeal) that I wrap around my shoulders to warm up my muscles first thing in the a.m. Placing a hot water bottle on your lap for a few minutes will do the trick, too. You just want to remind your body that warmth exists.
- Wear a Onesie – Remember when I said that you wouldn’t have to forfeit your dignity to stay warm? Well, I lied. Wearing a onesie as a grown woman is weird and a little creepy. That is, at first. Initially when you pull your onesie on, you’re definitely going to feel like an infant or one of those adults who dress like infants for pleasure. If that’s your thing, cool. Otherwise, stick with it because onesies are the BEST THINGS EVER. They are as warm as that spot on the couch where your cat last slept. And they are so, so cozy! I wore mine for a whole week. Like, I didn’t NOT wear the thing for seven straight days until it basically crawled away from me into the laundry bin. I mean, why should babies have all the comfort, right?
- Get Your Iron Checked – This is crucial. If you’re unbelievably, freakishly cold all the time, then you probably have low iron. I did. Typically, your iron level should be at 30. I just got my blood test results yesterday and my iron’s at a nine. Nine! How I am still awake and/or functioning right now is beyond me. I’m now taking iron supplements, which will eventually raise my body temperature, give my body more healthy red blood cells and make my eyes “look less like shit,” as my mom said. So get to the doc’s ASAP and have it checked out.
I hope these tips keep you warm and toasty so you can actually enjoy the winter!
I know, I know.
See you in mid-April.