I’m going to break this down straight from the get-go: A whoooollle lotta looking and feeling sexier in your skin comes down to mindset, mindset, mindset. I realize “Love the skin you’re in” and “#OwnIt[YourBody]” have become highly popularized, and while they’re GREAT slogans, these fragments are only the tip of a much larger iceberg that spans across your entire life.

When it comes to sexual attraction, it’s all about different strokes for different folks! There’s no reason that any of us — man, woman or non-binary — should feel obligated or pressured to meet the body standards that have been exemplified through the media, social media or even our own families/social circles. This all really comes down to what WE want for ourselves and our bodies — what makes US feel sexy, not anyone else.

As for sexual attraction in its many forms, I can assure you people WILL find you sexy; this comes down to mindset. There’s a reason the porn industry showcases a variety of different body types in their productions, and why studies are consistently proving that women are misinformed about the body types men prefer (this also happens to be true for men when it comes to what they feel women prefer).

So what can we do about this?

1. If you don’t have a problem with yourself, then there is no problem!

Are you kind to yourself? Making healthy choices most of the time (i.e., healthy eating choices, getting some form of exercise at least three times week)? Are you living your life? Obtaining balance?

If you are recognizing your body’s needs, showing it care and value, and expressing yourself as you are, then what more could anyone ask for? This is an AMAZING place to be in your life! Remember: the key to being sexy isn’t the number of people you attract into your love life but rather, the value these people bring to your life.

More about this here: When Men Turn You Off.

2. Spend more time naked!

This is a gigantic game-changer! When you become comfortable with yourself, your love life will thank you over and over (and over) again! 😉 Sleep naked, read naked, dance naked, have fun naked, work (in a private space) naked — yes, work could be fun naked! Get to know yourself better! See yourself naked!

Valuing what you love about yourself and your body is AMAZING and, in increasing ‘naked time,’ I’ve seen people discover that all the other things they didn’t like were actually pretty awesome, not really worth worrying about, or easily fixed through self-care and self-love! Adopting this habit has also been known to change people’s vibes, which leads to changing people’s lives.

3. How’s your hygiene?

This is different for everyone and I realize some people get really concerned about how they smell, taste and feel to their partners. There are two primary concerns here that are, at times, health-related: oral health and body cleanliness.

If you have concerns about bad breath, do get this checked out by a healthcare professional because this could be a symptom of a more serious issue. Just like our colons, our oral health is heavily involved in our overall health.

Of course showering will get rid of bad bacteria that contributes to body odour but, once again, prolonged bad odours should get checked out by a healthcare professional.

I’m also really big on contributing to our natural scents/pheromones in natural ways that will benefit our bodies rather than masking our natural scent. There are ways to enhance your natural scent and pheromones without worrying about smelling not-so-great.

More on this here:

4. Is this really about your body and appearance?

This hits home to #1: If you can’t find ways to love and appreciate yourself then how can you attract a partner who will do the same for you? How can you be effective at loving another person if you can’t love you?

This all boils down to loving and trusting yourself, because how much you dislike your physical body has a direct connection with how well you actually see and know yourself. This means a large part of the solution is getting to know yourself! Challenging yourself, spending time with yourself (and enjoying it) and adapting new ways to practice self-care will help you better understand who you are.

Success in dating and love has nothing to do with obtaining something outside of yourself to get the love you deserve. You have all of what you need within you; it’s a matter of tapping into it.

5. An awesome self-pleasure practice goes a long way!

How you touch yourself plays heavily into how you view yourself! If you aren’t touching yourself with self-love and exploring your body when you self-pleasure (masturbate), you’re missing out on a great opportunity for self-change, growth and truly understanding what you have to offer to the world around you, let alone your lovers.

Watch this for Tantric/holistic tips on boosting your own self-pleasure practice and achieving alchemical evolutions in your life:

Devika J. Singh is a Tantric sex and singles relationship coach. She puts out a new holistic sex+dating video weekly – subscribe to her YouTube Channel here. Got a love/sex question or want her to cover a topic for you? Email her.