Overachievement is a concept thatâs seemingly become a gold standard on how to become a âsuperstarâ in business, career goals and life overall. Just Google âhow to overachieveâ and the web will dutifully deliver over 355,000 resources to help urge you on.
We’ve surrendered ourselves to overachievement in pursuit of business and career success. Not just ordinary success, but the kind that exceeds expectations, thanks to a herculean effort. Many of us are working to extremes in order to achieve and maintain that lifestyle. However, we can miss the markâdespite our best efforts. âThis often happens because [people are] aiming for achievements instead of a deeper understanding of themselves and of what they want,â says Keren Eldad, a certified business coach and keynote speaker.
âItâs a silent story shared by many who present a happy, accomplished and enviable image: one of putting on pretenses and internally writhing with angst and anxiety, of never having enough, of insecurity, doubt and dissatisfactionâa state I have coined the âSuperstar Paradox,ââ Eldad says. âThe paradox is when pursuing the illusory things we think we want actually produces undesirable results like strain to keep up low self-worth and general unhappinessâand those consequences actually impede our ability to attain what we want. It can become an exhausting and hugely debilitating vicious circle.”
“Itâs time to stop living life for achievements, money, accolades and the validation of other people. It is my hope that those locked in patterns causing anxiety and miseryâand a life devoid of meaning, purpose, self-love and happy relationshipsâseek and find a trusted way to question themselves and find out who they really are.”
We asked Eldad to share what she’s learned about overachieving and success, and how not to let your pursuit of advancement blind you to what you already have.
Reframe your success story. Overachievers often believe that success only comes from power, money or status. Yes, those things are important benchmarks for career measurement, but being successful in life overall should be the true Holy Grail. So, if you are an executive, or aspire to be, but are riddled with anxiety, stress, pain and dissatisfactionâwith relationships suffering in that wakeâitâs evident that money and status isnât proving as worthwhile as it can and should be. To initiate needed change, be brave enough to reframe your personal story, from cover to cover. Life isnât meant to be one-dimensional or even work-centred, so actually sit down and map out what you would hope for each facet of your life to look like if it were a true success. Sure, start with career goals to get the juices flowing, as that might come most easily, but then do separate exercises for as many other areas of your life that you can break down. This can include marriage, children, extended family, friendships, professional networks, social media/networking, investments, travel, physical fitness, self-care/beauty, fashion and style, transportation, entertainment, hobbies and passions and so on. Life is abundant. Youâll soon see that life fulfillment meansâand needsâso much more than what happens on the work front. It can be a means to an end, but thereâs much in between. Once you start mapping it all out, you might come to the realization that youâve been missing out on quite a lot in your quest for career glory. Reframe your success story with a more holistic approachâknow what success âlooksâ like for each facet of your one and only life and commit (for real) to get there on all fronts.
Get out of your own way. Even superstars create self-imposed limitations based on what they originally perceived their goal or benchmark of success to be. Once achieved, itâs instinctive to want to bask in that âplace,â both emotional and physical. After all, you worked to extremes to get there. But, overachievers inevitably will want more, and then other kinds of self-imposed limitations kick in that are often founded on what we perceive our own capabilities and opportunitiesâor lack thereofâto be. Even the most confident overachievers suffer the âcanât rantâ internal dialogue. Take heed that “canât” usually is not a real thing. From âI canât afford to do what I really wantâ to âI canât start over now,â this word usually really means âI wonâtâ…I wonât try, I wonât make it, I wonât have good ideas and on the self-deprecating dialogue goes. Yes, you worked damn hard to earn your current accolades and are pleased with yourself and where you are, but sometimes a hard pivot is needed to get you where you really want to go. The truth is never that you cannot, you just have to get yourself past the âwill not.â Resources like talent, money, conditions, time, etc. are often not a genuine end game, but rather merely obstacles and challenges that CAN be overcome with the right amount of ingenuity and chutzpah.
Course-correct crippling self-constructs. A common obstacle to realizing genuine happiness is our own reliance on self-esteem, which is different from self-acceptance. Self-esteem is defined as âa positive or negative orientation toward oneself; an overall evaluation of one’s worth or valueâ and, for overachievers, depends on external conditions being met (i.e., what they are achieving) and how they then “rank” against the others in their society. Self-acceptance, which is a critical factor in genuine happiness and authenticity, is founded on other key self-constructs like self-compassionâa personâs ability to forgive them self for essentially being human and, thus, imperfect. Overachievers are susceptible to being heavily dependent upon the opinions of others, their corresponding status and their perceived stature versus understanding, and primarily relying on, self-acceptance.
Pray for a sh*tstorm! If you didnât buy all the above points yet and think, âNah, I got this,â then brace yourself because a curve ball is bound to present and throw you off your game. But, this unimagined disruption can be a GOOD thing! Iâve found that when superstars are at their most comfortable or when stress finally boils over, they not only find themselves immersed in a major âissue,â but often a major storm. When this happens, embrace it and open yourself to the series of new possibilities it presents. Yes, it will be uncomfortable and tremendously unsettling, but it can also present an exciting opportunity: the wake-up call to finally recognize where you are and what got you there, what weaknesses and threats have gotten the best of you, and work on thoughtfully strategized resolutions thatâll make you emotionally stronger and your circumstances better than before.
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Keren Eldad is an adviser to industry powerhouses like Christian Dior/LVMH, Beyond Capital, Luxxotica, Van Cleef & Arpels, YPO, IWC. Having served in the Israeli army and emerging into coaching from crisis counselling, Eldad believes in service as a way of life, and comes in focused on adding value and making things better and easier in yours. As a coach, she is accredited by the ICF, WCI and TTI Insights (ACC, CPC, CEC , C.P.M.A., C.P.B.A., C.P.T.A.), and is a top-level Crisis Counselor with Crisis Text Line.