Hubris, the ruin of all great heroes and dopes alike, was my mistake this past month. After working with children for two years (and contracting every single cold/flu/rash known to mankind because of it) my immune system has become a thing of wonder. Since moving to Toronto in September, I hadn’t been sick once. That is eight months of healthy body bliss. Comrades fell by the wayside, struck by mysterious coughs and debilitating stomach aches, while I braved the fall and winter unimpeded by illness. As the months passed I began to believe myself invincible. The quick rise to health and glory clouded my judgement and I became arrogant, daring toassume the best: I would never get sick again.
But no sooner had I literally uttered those words aloud to a coworker then the winds of fate altered their course bringing with them antigens and misery. Ill health came swooping in on a cloud of germs and settled in my world. Also literal clouds came. Guys, obviously never bike for an hour in the rain. Especially if you haven’t biked in forever and you’re out of shape and have to breath through your mouth because you’re panting. It’s only going to make you sick. Also, if you’re intelligent and at a hookah bar and you and your friends are like, “Why is everyone else using those colourful mouth things?” then do the math and realize that those are mouth guards to keep you from sharing saliva with every other patron. Don’t ignore then, use them. Also don’t kiss people. Just don’t. It’s not safe. When you lock lips and intertwine tongues you are creating the Bering Land bridge over which thousands of little germ-people will come to populate the New World. But the New World is your ol’ bod and those germ-people are coming to destroy it. Be safe friends. Guard your body at all times. Constance vigilance and enduring humility.
And now, sweaty and shivering in bed with a fever, I ask that you comfort me with your mistake from the past month. Comment below for your chance to win a complementary manicure from SPARKS SALON! My sympathy (and congratulations) goes out to our Mistake of the Month winner for March, YarnDragon20, who had to deal with a slew of hotel charges last month. I hope it all worked out…now go enjoy that manicure! A special shout out also to our anonymous commentor who accidentally used “exfoliating acid peel pads” on her eyes, thinking them to be make up remover. Ah, the burn.
Tell me, dear readers, what did you do wrong?