I am typically a control freak who likes to organize her whole world to the letter. I’m the girl who wants to be in charge of making the reservation for the group dinner. I’m the girl who wants to book the hotel for the vacation, and absolutely has to stay on budget every month or she’ll punch through her bedroom wall. The one thing, however, that I am adamant I DO NOT want to control is my bridesmaids’ dresses.

For me, bridesmaid dresses are a feminist issue. Asking one’s friends to pay hundreds of dollars for a dress they a) may not like and b) will probably never wear again, is something I am passionately against. Frankly, I do not need my friends to dress up like matching chiffon-clad Barbie dolls to prove their loyalty.

As a feminist, I believe women should have the choice to do what they like with their bodies. While I understand that bridesmaid dresses are not nearly as important a topic as, say, reproductive rights, I do believe the logic of “your body, your choice” applies here. My friends are adult women who know what clothes they like, and what they feel good wearing. I want them to feel as comfortable as possible on my wedding day, and I for one do not feel comfortable in clothes other people order me to wear. I do not want my girlfriends’ experiences of being in my bridal party to be reminiscent of living in a dystopian society out of a book you read in high school, like 1984.

Further to this, bridesmaid dresses can become a huge financial strain; if I were to choose an over-priced frock of some sort, I would be forcing them to spend money that could go to their savings accounts, their groceries, or the purchase of clothes they actually like. In a world where women are still on average paid less than their male counterparts, is it really fair to ask my best girlfriends to spend a large chunk of this hard-earned cash on something I want them to buy?

Of course, I should say the choice to nix uniform bridesmaid dresses at my wedding has not been uncontroversial. My decision to forgo matching dresses was met with enthusiasm from my friends, but dismay from my family. My mother, who has great taste and values symmetry, was worried mismatched bridesmaids dresses would, in her words, “look like a hot mess” in photos. She developed this opinion after examining pictures from Rachel McAdams’ sister’s wedding last summer.

While I personally like that eclectic look, even if I didn’t, I still think it’s unethical to ask my friends to wear uniforms. I am a bride, not the head mistress of an all-girls preparatory school. Furthermore, if I ever did get to live out my fantasy of being the head mistress of an all-girls preparatory school, I’d totally make everyone wear plaid kilts and knee socks, not floor-length silk dresses.

Today, I’m happy to report that I am actually part of a growing number of brides-to-be who are refraining from forcing their wedding party to dress up like prom queens from a John Hughes movie. My fellow wedding planning feminist friend is one such person. A fashionista herself, Shalta is probably the dictionary definition of a “tasteful“ dresser. She wears impeccably polished black leather shoes, pants that are always perfectly hemmed, and glasses so sexy they would make Tina Fey jealous. If anyone could be trusted to choose non-ugly bridesmaid dresses, it would be Shalta. Despite her legendary fashion sense amongst those who know her, however, this well-dressed bride has no plans to force her exemplary style on her wedding party. Shalta says, “I told my bridesmaids, ‘You’re big girls. You can dress yourselves.’”

This conversation with Shalta begs the question, “Is the draconian rule that the bride dresses her bridesmaids not simply unnecessary if one actually trusts one’s friends?” Furthermore, even if a bride’s best friends do not share her taste, what’s the worst that could happen? So, your friends may not wear something you like to your wedding. Is that really such a big deal? After all, no wedding ever goes completely according to plan! Even a control freak like me admits that where weddings are concerned, it’s impossible to control everything. So why even try to control what goes on your closest friends’ bodies?

Just like you should keep it to yourself if you are offended by someone’s mini skirt, or a niqab, or Juicey Couture sweatpants from 2003, brides should allow their friends to wear what makes them happy. After all, bridesmaids give so much to weddings. Mine have already helped me find makeup artists, decide on venues, and brainstorm ideas for cakes. Out of love, they are volunteering their time to help me make the transition from “engaged” person to “married” person.

As a feminist, I truly hope my bridesmaids feel their best at my wedding, and I know I for one would not feel my best wearing a $400 dress that doesn’t look right on my body type. The personal is political, so forgoing uniform bridesmaids dresses is a feminist trend I hope continues. Let no woman wear a floor-length peach chiffon dresses to a wedding, unless that is her choice.