by Olga Barsky

This isn’t technically part of the episode, but during the first commercial break, Jessi and Dan of the aftershow inform us that Jason Wahler is back in prison. At this point I think it makes more sense to announce when he is out in the free world, that way, we can stash away all the blonde seventeen year old girls living in the greater LA area. Better safe than sorry.

Spencer bumps into Frankie at a recording studio where Heidi’s perfecting her lip-synching. Frankie’s a gentle soul, and encourages Spencer to reach out to Brody and make sweet man love like they did not long ago. He then sings him “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” by Simply Red.

Meanwhile, Lauren and Whitney book a church for the Young Hollywood Party. Lisa Love seems happy with their work and sends them to New York to present to Amy Astley, editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue. Lauren’s excited and even has a dress on hold for the occasion. Whitney sees her closet flashing before her eyes as she tries to decide what to wear. This strikes a nerve with me. I wonder if I’ll imagine my closet just before I die?

The girls arrive in New York looking very high fashion. Lauren looks the best she’s ever looked, with patent pumps and a fitted tweed dress with an asymmetrical neckline. Whitney on the other hand, is overdressed and underdressed all at the same time. I believe a Pretty Woman reference is made during the afteshow which isn’t too far off.

They make their way into Amy’s office. Lauren is sent to her favorite designer’s (Marc Jacobs) headquarters, otherwise known as heaven, to help out with casting. Whitney has the morning to prepare for her big scary presentation.

Lauren gets put to work right away, first she dresses the models, and then she alphabetizes something. Then designer Marc Jacobs comes out to introduce himself to Lauren. While I salivate profusely in my lap, Lauren doesn’t even bother standing up when he comes to meet her. Instead, she flimsily extends her hand to Marc who awkwardly leans in for a shake. Embarrassingly, he forgets to kiss her rings.

While Lauren demonstrates her lack of tact and what could be a reality-star driven self adoration, Whitney has a disastrous presentation in front of an entire boardroom. Or is it? It’s edited to appear very awkward, however, back in LA, Lisa Love congratulates her on a job well done. She even cracks a joke about her borderline indecent get-up, play up to those cameras you old trollop.

After getting his tips frosted, Spencer calls Brody. After all, he’s just a boy, calling another boy, telling him he loves him. Unfortunately Brody doesn’t pick up, and later even tells Lauren that he’s not interesting in rekindling their relationship. Then he gets his tips frosted.

The episode is capped off with Lauren and Brody snuggling on her couch in a sea of candles. I feel cheated, they keep toying with us, and I don’t like it one bit. Are they or aren’t they? I want to see real hard evidence. If Lauren isn’t pregnant with Brody’s child by the next season I am boycotting the show, or going to find Brody.