In which the intrepid MemeMachine offers a discerning selection of what’s buzzing on the internet. Bringing you crucial knowledge that you were presumably too busy to extract from the internet because you were off enjoying the outside world IRL. This is procrastination at its finest. You’re welcome.

There is no statement hyperbolic enough to express how I feel about this teaser commercial (i.e. a commercial for a commercial, which is both weird and beside the point so let’s just breeze past it). This is the best thing I have ever seen and will ever see. I might as well quit YouTube. This is it guys, the #MemeMachine has been forced into retirement by a chorus of dogs barking Star Wars.

Just kidding, let’s continue. It’s been a big week for the internets. MegaUpload, the online file sharing site and provider of many, many blissful hours of streaming movies and TV was shut down last week. Let’s take 72 minutes of silence to mourn.

Also: if you were a little confused about what all this SOPA and PIPA business was about, here, a song.

If you were confused, you certainly weren’t the only one. Imagine the throngs of kids who don’t read news only to find a blackout on Wikipedia, just in time for their school project. Oh look, here’s a twitter feed that retweeted all boisterous reactions, so you don’t have to #imagine it after all.

Well I’m certainly glad someone took time out of their day to make this video compilation of Brad Pitt eating. That’s all it is, just him and his snacks. The world is a better place with this in it.

Yeah, we’re still talking about Shit _____ Say, because the internet keeps projectile spewing them at us. Except now they’re getting really weird and specific like “Shit Ryerson Says,” or “Shit New Agers Say,” or “Shit Jewish Mothers Say.” Case in point, here’s Shit Nintendo Princesses Say.

Rihanna’s video for We Found Love may have been the best pop video of 2011. I mean, it’s got a hundred million views and Rihanna vomits streamers and HOW COOL IS THAT? Anyways, here’s a Thai fan video in which Rihanna is played by a very convincing dude, which, if you ask me, is a very natural progression.

Marky Mark Wahlberg said some pretty dumb shit last week about being able to prevent 9/11.

What on earth is Newt Gingrich doing to this poor old lady?