You had a moment. Midway through your second screening of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, you caught yourself fantasizing about being in a Jennifer Lawrence/Jena Malone sandwich. Which reminds you… last week you spent the afternoon googling “Beth Ditto topless,” and that cute neighbourhood barista who doesn’t wear a bra is, ahem, distracting you more than normal, lately. What does it all mean? Sounds like you have a serious case of bi-curiosity!

The thing is, in a world where everyone is Hetero Until Proven Guilty, it can be confusing to go from “obviously straight” to “ummm boobs?” Are we born this way? Is sexuality a spectrum, or is it fluid? The truth is — like most things — it’s complicated. Let’s just say it’s a spectrum of fluids and you get to decide what what fluids you’re into, if you catch my drift. Are you a gay? In a few simple steps, let’s consider the journey from bi-curious confusion to lady-loving solution.

Separate fantasy from reality.
Just because you fantasize about doing *mumblemuble* to the Girl On Fire doesn’t mean that you have to announce to the world you are a seafaring Lesboat on the HomOcean. Yet. Consider what doing those things would feel like, both physically and emotionally. What would the impact be on your world, if any? If your sapphic-fantasies disappear immediately post-orgasm and don’t return until you need something “naughty” to push you over the edge, it could be that your leading lady sexy dreams are just masturbatory fodder and nothing more. I once had a dream that someone filled a hot tub with shredded cheese, that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it… yet.

Face your fears.
We live in a homophobic culture. Suss out what preconceived notions you have about lesbians and queerness. Did kids in high school call you a dyke after a bad mullet-y haircut? Unpacking this stuff can take a while. Get to work!

Watch some shows.
It’s perfectly natural to go from sexy dream to OH MY GOD WHAT WILL MY MOTHER THINK?! Relax. Ease your way in. Consume some lesbian media. The L Word. The Real L Word. Lip Service (aka the Scottish L Word).

Put it out there.
Telling your straight girlfriends that your resolution for 2014 is to sleep with a chick is a great way to start. For one thing, you will likely be surprised when a few of them casually admit to similar thoughts, desires, or elaborate wedding fantasies involving Beyonce.

Hang out with actual lesbians.
Immediately realize that The L Word is a lie. Mourn The L Word, but know there is a better world beyond it. Go to Queer events with openminded friends. (This is how to make some openminded queer friends.) Realize that lesbians and other queer folk are actually as awesome as you’d hoped. There’s no hazing ritual in this sorority. (Unless you count repeat viewings of The L Word.) Somewhere in there you’ll end up smooching a few girls. Trust me, trips to the bathroom are about to get way more interesting.

Read lesbian erotica or watch feminist, lesbian-made porn (porn for straight guys featuring “lesbians” is generally agreed to not be a good model). Buy some sex gloves, dental dams, and some good, vagina-friendly lube. Don’t overthink your pubes. Check out this Scarleteen list for ideas re: what you do/don’t want to try.

Sleep with a chick.
Maybe you’ll go out on a few dates with a lady you fancy and then make sweet love on her setee. Maybe you’ll post an anonymous ad on Craigslist and meet a sexually-generous lady who wants a fun one-nighter. However you get there, you’re gonna get into it with a lady. Be prepared for mind-blowing sex that can be intense, hot, and surprisingly long-lasting (bring snacks, is what I’m saying).

The day after.
How do you feel? Elated? Impossibly turned-on? Put off? Sad? Ashamed? A combo of all of these? Do some serious journalling (the most lesbian form of writing). Consider whether you want to go in for round 2 (or 10, depending on how epic your hookup was). Don’t leave your booty call hanging, especially if you want her to be your booty girlfriend. Lather, rinse, repeat (ie: do it in the shower).

At the end of all this, you should know where you stand. You’ll have a better idea, at least. You might just want to occasionally hang out with some boobs. You might want to take the boobs out for dinner again and see where it goes. You might want a full-time commitment and marriage to those boobs and also the lovely perfect woman attached to them. Whatever way you go is up to you. Goddess-speed, my friend. May the boobs be ever in your favor.