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Author | Photo Becca Lemire

15 Minutes with Monica Heisey

Inspired by the beloved Grown-Ass Woman’s Guide on Shedoesthecity (2012-2014), Monica Heisey’s I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better: A Woman’s Guide to Coping With Life is as brilliant and hilarious as you’d expect. Available now at bookstores everywhere.

We spoke with Monica about what she finds most cringe-worthy, overrated and valuable in her grown-ass life.

What are your favourite under-the-radar haunts in Toronto?

Christie Pitts and the Christie Pitts-adjacent Subway sandwiches.

What aisle do you spend the most time in at the grocery store?

I’d love to say organic produce but if I’m being honest, the area with all the day-old discounted baked goods has always had a singular hold on me.

Which virtue do you try to cultivate within yourself?

Patience for introversion/any kind of self control whatsoever.

The receipts in your wallet would indicate what?

“This woman for sure has some kind of terrifying Beautiful Mind-style receipt wall in her home.”

What did you think you were going to be when you were 8 years old?

I was very certain I’d be a famous playwright. I wrote a lot of uniquely terrible plays as a child.

If you could live anywhere else in the world, where would it be?

I’ve lived in Italy and London and am moving to New York soon, so if I think of anywhere else I’ll let you know. Maybe some kind of tree village situation? Is Endor an option?

What makes you happy?

Very good weather, nude beaches, my idiot friends and idiot husband and idiot cat. Idiots, I guess?

What makes you cringe?

Ignorant opinions spoken loudly.

What quality do you loathe most in others?

Not respecting when someone clearly doesn’t want to stop and talk in the street. Sometimes people are busy! Sometimes they have a bad pimple! Sometimes they straight up just don’t want to talk to you! Read their body language and do the polite nod and let them go on their way!

What, in your opinion, is overrated?

Ooooh… Live music? Music festivals? All music? I’m basically asexual but for music.

What is the one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Why?

Getting the deal with music seems like it would be very helpful in terms of bonding with the people around me and passing as a normal, functioning human with a capacity for joy.

What frustrates you the most?

Easily solved problems going unfixed. People disregarding the “walk left, stand right” rule on escalators. Surprise raisins in savoury foods. I’m frustrated often.

What quality do you value most in a lover?

If you can’t hang with my friends, it’s probably not going to work out. (S/o to the Spice Girls for this basic-yet-vital premise.)

What word or phrase should we use more often?

“I’m just popping out to buy Monica Heisey’s fantasic book, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better.”

Art is _____?

Probably like a very nice painting of a dog or something.

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