I can’t kiss in braces. Or at least I can’t kiss properly. You know the open mouth, running tongue on teeth, desperate, breathless oh-so-delicious, oh-so-I-want-you-inside-me-RIGHT-F’IN-NOW kiss? Yeah, I can’t pull those off anymore.

Something else I can’t pull off with metal mouth? Going – well – erm – you know where I’m going (or where I used to be going anyway). Sucking, licking and/or blowing down there has become a dangerous sport, one only played when I’m extremely horny, extremely drunk, or feeling extremely cruel.

On top of these new romantic relationship faux pas I have also turned into a bonafide drool machine. Apparently in a gesture to welcome my braces my regular saliva has invited over a slew of non-regular saliva and they are all sloshing around together happily in my mouth, having a beach party. Well, at least I won’t dehydrate on hot summer days.

So what do you do when your worst braces fears become realized? When you need a hard, passionate movie kiss with every fiber of your being and when your boyfriend is so desperate for a slurp of any kind, anywhere, that he’s considered making better buddies with your cocker spaniel?

Well, on my own journey, I have a feeling the first step is acceptance of my new chomper-straighteners and what they’ve done to my love life; acceptance that sucking face will simply not be the tried and true sensation I’m used to. Once I’ve come to terms with that I must remind myself every ending marks a new beginning and remember to open myself up to brace sensations I have been ignoring or downplaying simply because they were different.

My prescription for this week? Figure out ways to make my metal mouth kinky. So hang onto your dental floss (ok, that was bad) and I’ll report back!