by Elli Stuhler

10. Velour tracksuits.
I’m sure they’re very comfortable, and they looked great on J. Lo, and even better when mocked on Amy Poehler. But how this look went from grandma at aerobics to the hip hop world to everyone in the suburbs remains a mystery that should probably die with the decade.

9. Tattoo-inspired clothing.
If there are groups on facebook stating “Thanks to Ed Hardy I recognize morons right away,” and there are over 200,000 members, it really says something about the trend. This is not limited to the overpriced line by Christian Audigier, as there are bound to be cheap knock-offs lining the racks of mall stores like Urban Planet and Stitches. The interesting thing about this genre of clothing is the concept that the butchest, macho-est bro’s are now wearing clothes with sequins and sparkles. Do they understand the irony of this? Or are they too busy watching UFC?

8. Bling bling.
In this case, bling bling refers to the trend of showing off wealth, by rejecting the aesthetic standards that make financial boasting fun. People don’t get grills or wear oversized dollar sign necklaces because it looks good –because it doesn’t- people get grills and wear oversized dollar sign necklaced as a public measurement of their bank account. It’s the equivalent car hydraulics for your teeth.

7. Livestrong bracelets minus the Livestrong.
Towards the middle of the decade yellow rubber bracelets popped up on everyone’s wrist, and naturally, the assumption attached to each bracelet was that the beholder had donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation Livestrong campaign, where proceeds went towards grants and programs to people living with cancer. This was A+ Samaritan behaviour until it turned into a huge fad complete with knock-off imposters. Thus, there were people with fake bracelets that only made them look like they donated to cancer, purely to blend in. Donating to a cause purely for the swag is one thing, but buying a knock-off to mimic a good deed is not only bad fashion, it’s bad karma.

6. Fake designer fanny packs.
Not sure why the girls at my high school wore these, let alone the boys, but by the middle of the decade, counterfeit Gucci and Louis Vuitton fanny packs found on the black market and in Chinatown seemed fulfill the arduous tasks of both belts and bags. Sounds practical, but they looked ridiculous at the time, and even more so in retrospect.

5. Shutter shades.
People who remember a worst trends of the decade list back 1989 must be experiencing Déjà vu. Well they came back, and it’s all thanks to the decade’s biggest ego, Kanye West. He wore a custom designed pair of shutter shades by Alain Mikli in his 2007 video for Stronger, and lo and behold everyone else was wearing them months later. The problem with these shades is their misunderstood complexities. They are, in fact, not sunglasses, and therefore shouldn’t be worn as such. Traditionally, spectacles are worn to improve vision, not obstruct it.

4. Shirts as dresses.
Around 2004 the bare midriff trend sauntered off the radar to make way for long cotton shirts. Then someone in clubland decided to wear this as a dress and it was a downward spiral from there. Eventually they became loose fitting with a thick elastic at the bottom, which, sits comfortably on the lower half of the bum. Combine this with heels and a lot of vodka on a Friday night and be prepared to see many a-bare behind. For more information on exposed behinds, please proceed to number 3.

3. Ultra low-rise jeans<
High school teachers saw things they never, ever wanted to see on a girl under the age of 15. It was a full circle of exposed butt-crack, climbing G-strings, love handles, and rolling midriff that found its way out of the high-wasted constriction of previous decades. Unfortunately, the world proved to be a cold and unforgiving place for love handles and midriff, and eventually the ultra low rise cut sheepishly moseyed off the racks and into the bowels of fashion limbo, and that’s why it’s number three on this list.

2. Uggs.
It’s the energizer bunny of winter boots, every season it looks like the Ugg trend is about to die, but it just keeps going and going . Interestingly enough, they’ve been around for almost a century. They began their legacy on the feet of WWI aviators, who referred to them as “fug” boots, an abbreviation from “flying ugg boots.” They were worn by Australian surfers in the sixties, and were brought to the United States in 1979. By the 2000’s they found their way onto the feet of most tweens in a variety of lengths and bubble gum hues. By 2011 people will hopefully realize marshmallows and footwear don’t mesh and that it’s time to buy boots that don’t look like slippers.

1. Crocs.
A plastic meme in the form of footwear that went way too far. Quite useful for polo shirt and Dockers wearing middle agers at the beach but little else, which is why these were the ultimate love/hate item of the decade. Something, somewhere post-2006 must have gone terribly, terribly wrong as there are now Croc flagship stores that sell Croc slippers, Croc boots and Croc high-heels. Despite all this, the truth remains that Crocs are rubber clogs with air holes. Enough said.