1. Become the kind of woman who both owns and uses essential oils.
2. Figure out where to buy essential oils.
3. Stop obsessively complimenting that one girl I don’t care for in an effort to prove to myself that I am actually, like, a really good person.
4. Kale chips.
5. Come to terms with my personal brand. “A modern-day Cathy with twitter” isn’t so bad, if you think about it. Maybe? #ack
6. Be an adult about the sound of farts and the phrase “making love.” Not be an adult if the two are ever combined, that is impossible.
7. Put together that shelf I bought from IKEA a few years ago and then just slid under the bed because I was tired and someone texted me about food.
8. Learn how the following things actually work: my cellphone, the Internet, any math, the Sun.
9. Dance like no one’s watching?
10. Keep track of this list and not use it to spit out my gum on January 2nd.