by Jen McNeely

Q: What happens when you jam twenty women in a small living room (many of whom do not know each other), serve them copious amounts of red wine and present them with a table full of vibrantly coloured vibrators, clit ticklers, tasty lubes and anal beeds? (and no this isn’t the beginning to a Girls Gone Wild porno)

A: It begins with a flutter of excited laughs that quickly escalates into uncontrolled outbursts of private sexual thoughts which graduates into an immense and fast female bonding session, and finally utter sexually charged chaos.

What I describe here is not some monthly orgy for estranged women but a Hanky Panky party. Last Friday, Shedoesthecity writers congregated from every major intersection in the T-dot, to meet one another, get a little sauced while simultaneously getting educated on the multitude of gizmos and gadgets one can incorporate into their sex life.

The evening can be most clearly understood through a breakdown of three stages:

THE INTRO, i.e. first 15 minutes of presentation, which I’m deeming as THE FOREPLAY
– immediate bonding with a mixture of nervous laughter
– chatter about the varying sensitivity of nipples
– praise for the vagina. PRAISE THEE VAG!
– Loud, and possibly regrettable, sharing of dubious sexcapades

THE HEIGHT OF SEX TOY EDUCATION EXCITEMENT – AKA THE CLIMAX:
– Spontaneous dance party with outrageous moves like ‘the worm’
– Arm wrestling competitions??
– A unanimous plea for COCK
– Giddy hickey giving
– Mass amounts for uncalled for shrieking

THE AFTERMATH or Awwwwwww:
– A list of new BFF’s…aww shucks, I love your tits too!
– An inclination to be more experimental in the sack. Giddy up!
– Extraordinarily vivid sex dreams
– An unexplained hickey on your neck..oh wait, no I remember..oh, that was weird, oops.

We learned about the X-Commander, Space Explorer and Fantasy Four Purple Beaver…and no these aren’t new games for your playstation.
Between the Cheeks is not a type of colourful candy that will melt in your mouth…well I suppose in a twisted way it could be depending on your discerning taste.
The Nubby G isn’t a famous baseball player, nor is Silicone Flame the name of a hockey team.
You will not want to sprinkle Honey Dust on your toast, although perhaps on a hot CROSS BUM. BAD BUM BUM, I will have to punish you with sweet licks!
Finally, you will not find the Diving Dolphin at Marine Land, well you may but not the type I’m referring to.

Sex parties are terrific ice breakers, and will inevitably evoke unanimous laughter, new found friendships and a fuckaree of exotic sex for you to try. Beyond this, placing pink and purple dildo’s all over a table, accented with whips, cuffs and flavoured lubes is as visually appealing as frosted cupcakes and pink lemonade.

If you are planning a stagette, birthday or just an excuse to get drunk and have some fun with mid-winter – then call Hanky Panky and set it up.

Important Notes:
– A Hanky Panky party doesn’t cost anything to host, and hostess will likely receive a complimentary jar of chocolate body paint to brush all over their partner
– It’s not a heavy sales pitch, but a comfortable environment to test out (touch, feel, smell, lick) products and then choose to buy.
– You don’t need to have wads of cash on you, but can easily and discretely charge toys to your credit card
– Rubber Cock goes best with red wine
– Most certainly one of your over zealous friends will spontaneously decide that she wants to be a Hanky Panky sales rep
– Many of the products are not appropriate to put on or in the vagina – so listen up and faites attention!

WARNING: Kick your man right out of the house and as far away as possible. Although this hen party might seem like a delicious opportunity for him to feel masculine and get an inside scoop on how to give great head, it is in fact a NIGHTMARE for a man to sit in on.

MORE INFO? www.hankypanky.ca