I am an extremely adaptable girlfriend. I don’t mind my dude canceling plans if something important comes up. I’m game for living his fantasies and trying out all his kinks at least once. I can get along with his buddies, whether they’re jocks, nerds or even (gasp) girls. But how do I tell when I’ve become too adaptable, when I’ve crossed the line from a compromiser to a pushover? Take for example this past long Turkey weekend…

My dude and I decided in advance we’d do a family divvy of sorts. Our plan was to spend Friday with my parents, then continue on to his digs for the rest of the weekend. But as soon as we pulled in to my mom and dad’s, I could tell he was just itching to hit the road again. This antsy-pants vibe imposed an anxiousness and blunt awareness of a time limit on our visit and as a result when we did leave several hours later I felt as if we’d hardly had a chance to visit with my folks at all.

When I brought this up angrily in the car, my dude nonchalantly replied I could have simply decided to spend the weekend at my parents solo and he would have picked me up on his way back to Toronto. This made me so furious I seriously contemplated whacking his head against bobblely flower man on our dashboard, but instead I tried to communicate the way my grade one teacher taught me – using my big girl words.

“The point,” I explain slowly, “is not for me to spend more time with my family alone. The point is to spend more time with my family together, as a couple.”


“Because my family already knows me, but I want them to get to know you.”


“Because you’re amazing and I want them to know how amazing you are.”



So much for my big girls words. I stare him down. His eyes don’t break contact from the road in front of him.

“Oh.” He replies noncommittally. “Ok.”

Now, if one were keeping score (obviously a big relationship no-no but hardwired in my brain to do none-the-less) they would determine my hours logged with his family are easily 10x his hours logged with mine. In fact, over the past two years his family has seen us for Thanksgivings, Christmas’ AND New Years’ while mine has gotten us for a single summer long-weekend plus Easters’, which, lets face it, aside from the egg hunt is a pretty anti-climactic holiday. The bottom line is I go out of my way to spend more time with his family and work my way into his personal life, whereas he’d be happy to see my parents once or twice a year. But can I really demand he spend more time with my parents and like it? Or should I just forget it and start attending family functions on my own?

This evening when he gets home from work comes the Christmas Vacation talk. Stay tuned for updates.

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  1. laurenvalentine
    October 17, 2008

    Mission accomplished. Verdict = we go our separate ways come Ho Ho Ho day.

    Even though this wasn’t originally what I had in mind, I feel good about the decision. I think the time apart will allow us time to reflect on the relationship and maybe actually have the space to miss each other. But that’s another article…

  2. sevans
    October 22, 2008

    coming from a highly adapable girl herself, it sounds like yiu’re putting in more effort/compromising more. some people think this is a relationship d-b (deal breaker). i wouldnt know; i find the guys who are willing to compromise that much boring in that wheres-the-challenge sort of way. but see Recent Grad for a host of reasons why we compromise for guys

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