FACEBOOK EX-TD

I knew the best solution was to go cold turkey, but the thought of (A) having enough willpower to stay away from his profile or (B) deleting him off my friends list altogether, both felt unattainable. In the end I settled on (C) – do absolutely nothing and wait for Ex to make the next move.

he on-and-off four years my Ex and I dated was filled with passionate fights and even more passionate sex. Our emotional connection was so-so, but our physical connection – always totally through the roof. And since it’s in the physical arena where my current long-time beau and I have to work the hardest, I’ll admit when I look back on the relationship with Ex I’ve had some definite grass-was-greener moments.

However Ex had almost totally disappeared off my radar over the last year when, like everyone does eventually, he surfaced on Facebook. Of course I wouldn’t be doing my duty as an ex-girlfriend if I didn’t peruse his profile (peruse = go over with a fine-tooth comb) during which I learned he was currently “In A Relationship” with a girl who, judging from Ex’s “Life’s A Beach” album, has a smokin’ body and looks like a total sweetheart (yes, I can tell that from a bikini picture).

Overtaken by some force outside myself, I immediately began raiding my I-Photo for potential profile pictures to one-up Ex’s new girlfriend. Did I have anything that made me look adorable, intelligent, sultry and sexy at the same time? I finally found the perfect picture, one taken with my good friend where my hair is all wavy and amazing and we kinda look like we’re about to kiss (I know, I hate myself. I think Facebook is going to cost me a lot of money in therapy down the road.) I knew it had worked though because soon after Ex sent me a personal Facebook message asking about something insignificant. I waited the obligatory few days and wrote him back, then he wrote me back, then I wrote him back, until we had a string of insignificant messages about nothing in particular.

When I messaged Ex on my laptop while current boyfriend was playing video games beside me on the couch, it hit me this had gone way to far – I had without a doubt contracted an out-of-control FACEBOOK EX-TD. I knew the best solution was to go cold turkey, but the thought of (A) having enough willpower to stay away from Ex’s profile or (B) deleting him off my friends list altogether, both felt unattainable. In the end I settled on (C) – do absolutely nothing and wait for Ex to make the next move.

And make the next move he did. Suddenly, out of the blue, he completely disappeared off my Facebook, plummeting me into major EX-TD withdrawal. My head is now swimming with questions – Did he block me? Did he pull his profile off Facebook? Was he thinking what I was thinking, that our innocent messages weren’t really innocent at all?

Maybe I’ll never know. And maybe that’s a good thing.

Now I just have to figure out how to make myself realize that the grass I’m currently munching on green enough.