I know, I know… I totally suck. I haven’t written in forever. You’d have thought that after being “technically single” for almost 2 years, I’d be jumping for my metaphorical pen to capture every moment with the new boyfriend. You’d think I’d be dragging him out on the town constantly to show him off to all my friends. You’d think I’d be having amazing loving sex every night of the week, now that I have a guy who I actually want to be with every night. Surprisingly, this is not the case. I haven’t been in the mood to write; some of my friends only found out I even HAVE a boyfriend through FB; and I’ve been opting for spooning over fucking. It’s definitely not him… he’s wonderful! Dreamy golden locks, blue eyes, plays in a band (three, actually), loves doing fun things, and is amazing in bed. So what’s wrong with ME?
I’ve been so down lately, I really feel like crap. I have no idea what direction my career is going in – that’s one thing. I’m also STILL living at home, and I’ll be 26 next month – that’s numero deux. I been living in a disorganized mess for months with plans of all these great projects, which I begin and then abandon (hence the mess I’m surrounded by). Finally, I think I’m actually depressed. Yup, my even doctor thinks I am – she wants me to go see someone to “talk to”. In some ways it feels like such a shitty time for me to be starting a new relationship (for his sake), but also kind of a perfect time (for mine).
It’s been great to have someone to share all my anxieties about life with, and having this amazing man to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Since I haven’t felt like being social on weekends for a while now, I go hide away at his apartment, watching movies all night with him and his dog. He goes to craft shows and apartment hunting with me during the day, as I only work part-time and need to find ways to fill my surplus of free time in unproductive ways.
Still, I’ve been feeling bad for him lately because I haven’t wanted to… oh god, I can’t even say it… I HAVEN’T WANTED TO HAVE SEX. Now, this doozie much more recent than my case of “the blahs”. My sex drive has only been low for the past couple (well, maybe three) weeks. He said he understands that I have a lot going on in my head right now, and that he’s happy to just be sleeping next to me (he’s so sweet – I actually believe him), but obviously a man has needs.
I don’t think something like a threesome will do it, like it helped Lauren (did you read the latest STD…. fantastic!). Although, I was just propositioned by Goldilocks via MSN to a threesome. I told him I didn’t think the new boyfriend would be down with the idea of having another guy in the bed (and then I told him that I thought he might actually be gay as he seemed way too into stuff with other guys). Maybe bringing some toys into the bedroom will do the trick? I might buy one of those Trojan vibrating ring things, or maybe just bring over a blindfold next time – he already has the wrist and ankle restraints (oh man, he’s so great).
I’ll be sure to keep you posted, Diary, on how my not-so-burning loins are doing.
xo Little Miss X-Rated