by Olga Barsky
The masses agree that this year’s Academy Awards were the most entertaining broadcast of the award show to date. And I have to concur. From Sarah Jessica Parker’s perky robo tits to a strung out Jen Aniston presenting in front of the holy twosome, and Beyonce belting out At Last again (somewhere Etta James is furiously stitching together a Sasha Fierce Voodoo doll) – there was no shortage of wonderfully awkward moments.
But there is something even better than boobs, over-the-counter meds and gossip – and that is fashion. No matter how good, bedazzled or outright hideous, this year’s Oscars gowns have given us enough material to last until Nicole Richie announces her eighth pregnancy.
Here are some of our favourite hits and misses:
Marion Cotillard (John Galliano for Dior) continued her winning streak of stunning dresses. We still dream about her mermaid Jean Paul Gautier gown from last year’s show.
Sarah Jessica Parker (Dior Haute Couture) wowed in her “barely mint” ballerina gown and simultaneously cemented her status as “best titty fuck” across the globe.
Natalie Portman (Rodarte) proved to be our most reliable girl crush yet again in a cotton candy pink gown with just the right amount of embellishment.
Penelope Cruz (Vintage Balmain) took center stage in a gown she’s held onto for eight years.
Marisa Tomei (Versace): hooker with a heart of gold wore Versace. Sounds just right to us.
Jessica Biel (Prada) characterized a wrinkly towel dangling from a rail in a Holiday Inn. This was indisputably her best acting work to date.
Miley Cyrus (Zuhair Murad) single-handedly tarnished the reputation of Glinda the Good Witch. Slut.
Sasha Fierce (House of Dereon) really needs to stop wearing clothing designed by her mom. And word of advice – I’d sleep with one eye open if I were you.
Amanda Seyfriend (Valentino Haute Couture) most closely resembled a Christmas gift you get from grandma and exchange immediately.
Freida Pinto (John Galliano): “Looking Fab at Fifty!”
Kate Winslet (Atelier Yves Saint Laurent by Stefano Pilat) won (Oscar) and lost (good taste) at the same time. It’s reassuring to know there’s some kind of balance in the world.
Reece Witherspoon (Rodarte) ran over to her Dancing With The Stars audition as soon as she presented the award. Good thing she was already in costume.