I am in possession of a yummy bummy. My caboose takes the form of a large, totally round and delicious ass. It’s this bubble butt that magically appears, like someone stuck a half watermelon down the back of my pants. And I LOVE it.

The problem? The problem is HE is a boob man. He’s all for big, voluptuous, luscious, juicy breasticles. The kind that create a gargantuan black hole in the middle that you could drop writing utensils down and never locate again.

Personally, I think my A’s are adorable. For me the "perks" of my travel-sized accessories totally rock my socks off. People stare at my face instead of my tits. There are a select number of pre-pubescent shirts from my childhood I can still wear. And, if I’m in a jam on dirty laundry day, I can exercise without a sports bra.

But truth be told, the fact that he’s always ogling other chests can get to a girl after awhile – no matter how confident she is. And if you, like myself, have heard even one of these four sentences come out of your man’s mouth during the last week, that makes you a prime target for catching a nasty case of SMALL BOOB BLUES:

1. "Want to go to Hooters for dinner?" (As you exit Hooters after just finishing your lunch)
2. "It’s just lust honey, but I LOVE you." (After picking his tongue up off the sidewalk because he spotted a woman with quadruple-oople D’s)
3. "Do you think you’d ever consider breast implants?" (While watching a rerun of Extreme Makeover on ABC)
4. "I just read it for the articles!" (After catching him with this month’s edition of JUGS)

The cure? First, take a dose of perspective. The cold nipple truth is some dudes simply enjoy a larger set, but sweetheart that doesn’t mean they won’t love yours just as much! Breasts are like puppies – one may go to the pet store to buy a Great Dane, but find it’s actually the Teacup Yorkies that end up stealing their heart.

Second, give yourself some self-prescribed lady-lump love. When doing your daily pamper routine, lavish them with moisturizer and sprits of delicious perfume. Splurge for a new bra (or better yet a new outfit) that shows off the girls and really makes you feel fabulous. Get topless in your bathroom and simply admire the unique beauty of your upper body. Your breasts ARE gorgeous, so make them feel that way!

Oh, and be sure to give him a warning the first time he utters one of the forbidden phrases above, but if he just can’t seem to drop it, it may be time to take your terrific tits elsewhere.