If I’m carrying groceries in both hands, my tights will fall below my bum and, although underneath my coat, my cheeks will freeze while shuffling home from the grocery store.

Cold ass is just one of the side effects that happens when your tummy gets big. (Note to self: buy maternity tights.)

Now 24 weeks pregnant, nothing but an oversized poncho can hide my belly. I’m told that my baby is approximately 13 inches long and he’s beginning to fatten up; I’m getting bigger day by day.

What does this feel like? Suddenly, I need a strategy to clamber out of the bathtub and my walk is beginning to resemble that of a duck. Quack. Adjusting to my new equilibrium, I frequently bang into corners.

Over the weekend, I was visiting family friends and their father was blaring Irish folk music. Inspired, I broke into a spontaneous riverdance. Onlookers were alarmed and concerned; they firmly requested that I stop. Boo, baby and I like to dance together. I suppose it looks far more precarious than it feels.

Awkwardness aside, I enjoy sitting naked on my bed while dramatically holding my belly and posing like women do in professional prenatal photo shoots. Sometimes I pretend I’m Demi Moore.

Other strange, wonderful, and curious things happening: 
  • My belly button has turned inside out (Because you wanted to know, I’m sure.)
  • My skin actually moves when Lentil (his nickname) pokes me. This is surreal, comforting and exhilarating all at once.
  • In an effort to make room for baby, we’re purging stuff we no longer need. Want a mannequin leg or electronic keyboard?
  • I had a luxurious couple months (month 4 and 5) where my night peeing was under control. It’s back with a vengeance and I find myself scuffling to the bathroom about 10 times a night to urinate. For real. Sometimes 14 times.
  • BOOBS STILL GROWING! Yay.

See Jen’s first pregnancy post here.