When we first shacked up the boyfriend couldn’t keep his hands off the almighty goodie bag that was my female genetallia, but naturally now that we’ve been together for over a year he seems to prefer other kinds of bags (bags of chips, bags of M&Ms, Future Shop bags filled with electronics – basically any kind of bag as long as it doesn’t have a man attached to the other end).

In light of this of this I’ve caught a light dose of the I’M-SO-SEX-DEPRIVED-IN-THIS-RELATIONSHIP-THE-PIMPLY-COPY-BOY-AT-THE-OFFICE-IS-STARTING-TO-LOOK-DAMN-SEXY disease (not to be confused with the male strain of this illness, the I’M-SO-SEX-DEPRIVED-THAT-THE-SOCK-SITTING-IN-THE-DIRTY-LAUNDRY-IS-STARTING-TO-LOOK-DAMN-SEXY disease). You know you’re at risk if you suggest passionate lovemaking (or even casual screwing) to your dude and are met with one of the following responses:
– But we just had sex last week.

– I have a headache.

– Do you just wanna cuddle?

– But Sex and the City reruns are on! (note to self, BAD idea to
have gotten him addicted to this show.)

– Well I just had explosive diarrhea, but I guess I’m up for it if you are?

– I’m sorry honey, I just finished whacking off to Lindsey Lohan’s
new nude pictures. Twice.

The good news is it’s relatively easy to identify this disease in the
early stages and nip it in the bud. First, give yourself a potent
injection from your favorite vibrator. If administered correctly side
effects should include a powerful, earth-shuddering, solo O to make
you less cranky and take the pressure off him.

Then slip into whatever makes you feel most like the sexy, bomb-shell
goddess woman you are and strut your stuff around the house feeling
DELICIOUS. Since you’ve already satisfied your urges just allow him to
soak in the full presence of wonderful you with no expectations – not
only will this make you feel spectacular but it will also drive him
totally wild. He’ll want to be part of this fun fantasy you’ve created
for yourself and hey, who are you to stop him?

And faster then he can rip that sexy outfit off you, Voila, cured!