Notes from the WASP’s nest

My mother and I have never talked about sex. Well, never about me having sex, or her having sex, but we can use the word about other people, like, people from Coronation Street. When I was about 12, she left a book on my bed that covered all of the basics, and that was the extent of my “birds and the bees” talk.

My mother was a teenager in the 70s, so she can’t be that sheltered or anything, but an actual conversation about sex still seemed too painfully awkward to her. But when I got to university, I realized that not every mother was so mute on the subject of sex. In fact, I was surprised at how much mothers knew about their daughter’s sex lives, and how willing their mothers were to talk to them about sex. So I asked my friends, what did your mom teach you about sex?

One friend was so close to her mother that she told her whenever she had slept with someone, and her mother would expect a call every month when she got her period. I can only imagine what would happen if the call was late. Common mom advice, though, was stressing the importance of condoms, which I’m fairly sure my mother must have done at some point, even if it was just remarking that time that Juno should have thought to use protection. But more interesting mom advice, to me, is about when to have sex and when not to–I mean, this is something that my friends can’t even really tell me, so I think it’s fantastic that mothers attempt some guidance. I asked one of my friend’s moms who seemed particularly open on the subject what she had told her daughters. So, if you’re like me and didn’t hear much from your own mom, here is Mama P on the subject:

“I taught my girls that their bodies are a gift that they should give sparingly and with consideration, because when you have sex with someone, it changes everything. It isn’t just friction, you give up a little piece of your soul and your vulnerability to that person. So just like you wouldn’t trust an irresponsible friend to drive your new Porsche (metaphorically speaking of course!), why would you trust a jerk with your soul?

“And I’m not foolish enough to think that you can get through life in your twenties and avoid entirely the drunk one-nighter…shit, we all have those in our closet. But I did advise them to avoid it if possible. For one thing, as MY mom once said, ‘a bad rep will stick to you like shit to a blanket’.

“Second, a lot of really good friendships get sacked that way; male-female as well as female-female. You have to think about what happens the day after, and the day after that. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror the next day and like who you see.”

That’s some pretty solid motherly advice, if you ask me–some of those lessons took me four years of university to learn. But then again, I suppose even if my mother had told me what not to do, that doesn’t mean I would have listened at the time.

As a rule, mothers give the best advice. So readers, I want to know, what did your mom teach you about sex?