Radcliffe defines love.
by Radcliffe U. Hall

The one thing you can’t do – besides commit murder and arson – is tell someone that they are not in love. No matter how delusional and ridiculous their relationship may be, you do not possess the right to delegate their feelings. For instance, back in high school, my girlfriend told me that we were not in love. More specifically, she told me that we were not dating. But I knew my love was forever. She might’ve told me that our kiss during spin the bottle was merely her following the rules of the game. But I knew that it was a sacred and shared moment of love. She also might’ve claimed that every time she invited me over for dinner with her parents it was because we were lab partners, but I felt it was because she wanted her parents to approve of her relationship. Someone cannot tell you that carrying your girlfriend’s books, buying her lunch, and helping her stretch her for gym glass are signs of “friendship”, when they are, in fact, signs of true love.

Although I think about love all the time – I do write poetry – I got thinking about it specifically because I recently ran into my old girlfriend at Ye Olde Spaghetti Factory. I didn’t bring anything up since I hate rehashing old love but I couldn’t help but experience our feelings rekindle themselves. It didn’t really matter that she was there with her husband and that she failed to recognize me, I knew it was either because she was too scared to feel the pain or too worried of me threatening her new relationship. And now I am ready for a new and mature kind of love and with that readiness comes the knowledge that true love is many things. Basically, it is anything. Like when Drew Barrymore stood on a baseball diamond and awaited her first kiss. People said horrible things about her love; that is would never happen, that she was not cool enough, and that she was too old to be in high school. But her feelings prevailed and that is all that matters. True love is sticking a dildo up your girlfriend. People might tell you that it is wrong, but when you are just expressing your love there is nothing wrong with that. I’m just sick and tired of people telling me that I am not in love, that my feelings for Serena van der Woodsen are mere infatuations. If thirty people say they are in love with Tila Tequila, who are you to say that they aren’t?

Truth be told, I recently met someone special. Actually, she was under my nose the entire time. So she’s a model. I have looked into her eyes every Sunday when my L.L. Bean catalogue arrives in the mail. She’s a more mature and sophisticated woman. We have a serious love. No one has actually told me yet that our love is not real, maybe because we have only been dating for a week. But I know they will say it, and when they do, I can tell them that this is the proof of our love: we only see each other twice a week but I wish I could see her every day; when I leaf through the catalogue I get butterflies; when she messages me on MSN, she uses multiple heart emoticons; and when we kiss – which has happened almost once – my palms get sweaty. As you can see this list could go on and on. But I don’t need to justify my love because it is whatever you feel it is. So if you say that you are in love with Alanis Morisette then no one can tell you otherwise. Not even Alanis Morisette.