March marks the official start of the end of winter for a Canadian. Sure, there’s probably a few more snowstorms to come and a shitty April maybe, but March is when you start to bust out the jacketless look, remark on how warm it’s getting, and finally notice some grass. So on that note, I thought I’d talk about some of my favourite summer things to do in the city. I know it’s ages away but let’s face it: Toronto kind of sucks in the winter. It’s slushy, the subways are slow, people are miserable… And as part of a very delayed New Year’s Resolution, I’m gonna try and be a bit more positive this year. Let’s start with all the shit I can’t wait to do in a few months.

a) Tacos In Christie Pits
Start at the LCBO at Ossington. Pick up a variety of tallboy cans. Proceed to Taco El Asador on Bloor at Clinton, get the crispy tacos to go, and head for the Pits. If you’re lucky, you’ll catch some Christie Pitness, which is a very interesting exercise group. Their main activity involves that little hill… crab-walking up and down it, wheelbarrowing up and down, backwards running… you guessed it… up and down! The great thing about this park is they’ve got a bathroom that doesn’t reek of piss and sadness like most public toilets do. End the day off with a beer or seven at Clinton’s.

b) Walk Down Roncesvalles
Start at Bloor and Dundas West. Hit up B at Dundas and Roncey for a delicious ‘Beltch’ sandwich, which is a a BLT with egg and cheese (hence the extra e and ch), pan fried. Bring napkins! Last time I went a bird shat on me and I still had a great time. That says something. Take a left when you leave and grab some tallboys from the Beer Store. You may notice this is a theme with my summer activity plans… If you’re into it, grab a coffee from Starbucks across the street and do a little dance. Recognize this corner from pretty well every scene of Hairspray? Just think, Christopher Walken stood on the very spot you did. I wonder if they needed more cowbell during filming? Keep walking down towards the lake. Once you hit the shore, find a cozy spot, crack those beers, and enjoy the sun and breeze. After a few though, you’ll probably want to go pee. TS, fucker! So get up, and start heading east along Queen. There’s some pretty cool little antique shops and clothes stores. You may be getting hot by this point, so stop into the huge convenience store for some popsicles and freezees. End your day at The Beaver for some Caesar’s and 50’s.

c) Picnic In Trinity Bellwoods
Suggest a picnic in the park. Cross the street for some delicious Chippy’s. Or, pick up some fresh fruit, chips and dip, and enjoy a homemade picnic. Of course, you can always break out some, wait for it… tallboys! Ogle some of the shirtless men playing baseball… This last part is a bit of a mixed bag. They may be really hot or so grotesquely gross you can’t turn away. Either way makes for a good way to spend your afternoon. If you get hot, there’s a gas station at the edge of the park that sells frozen treats. This is also a great spot to see some hotties or notties.

d) Patios!!!!
I know I’ve already mentioned it, but The Beav has a pretty great patio… They’ve got a big piece of canvas covering the top so the sun isn’t too intense… but you can still smoke! Two favourites for people watching are Zelda’s and O’Grady’s. At Zelda’s, get an expensive but boozy pitcher of Long Island Ice Tea and throw your afternoon away. At O’Grady’s, get one of the ginormous pitchers and hope you can drink it fast enough. They even give you a little bag of ice to try and get your bevvy’s cold. Just chug, it’s summer after all. If you’re in the mood to wait forever and pay tons of money, Black Bull on Queen Street does have a pretty great patio. Ted’s has a pleasantly secluded backyard patio. Great place to smoke a joint, if you are so inclined. Bar_One also has a sweet back patio, but watch out: you can’t smoke, cigarettes or otherwise, back there. The tiny four tabled Sneaky’s ‘patio’ is the ideal place to meet random strangers. Nearby Victory Cafe on Markham at Bathurst and Bloor is a cozy spot in the middle of the city.

e) Backyard Party
Make use of the tiny patch of green in your backyard by inviting some friends over for some tunes and booze. Throw in some burgers and you have a pretty great way to spend an afternoon. Judging from the way mine always go, you probably won’t be making it out to any of your evening plans. Woooooo! Beach Boys!!!!

All this talk has gotten me jonesing for summer in a big big way, so I think I’m going to go turn on my air conditioner, turn on the oven and open the door, leave the fridge door open, and let my shower run for the rest of the day. Just doing my part to have summer get here that bit sooner. Thanks for the tips Al Gore… Do your bit!